New Year, Old Situation.

Firstly, let's start by wishing everybody a happy new year and many joys with hope to come forth to this blessed year. OK, that was sincere, but to be realistic, let's just hope nobody seriously injures themselves this year, yeah? :)
Now back to me. 2010 marks the end to my teenage wonders. The splendid happiness of being a something-teen has now officially ended. No longer shall people address me as "Hey you eighteen year old girl" or "So you should be nineteen years old this year, eh?". Because this year in precisely 21 more days, I shall be a 20 year old person, yes, with a "2" in front goddammit! LOL.
Updates! Updates! :D
So I started off the year with some college mates, finally decided to be decent and not get drunk (just cos I can't anymore with some reasons to it) and celebrated the festive mood around The Curve. Feelings were mutual though I can't stop but wonder where was it going? Was I finally getting into the group of hated socialites that linger around college past lecture hours acting like high school geeks? Or was it the finale of my awesome existence where I could party all night long and act like a completely ignorant asshole who gets drunk every night and never stop to wonder about her future? I decided not to repeat that anymore because finally, I passed a semester in college and never will I ever want to screw it all up again. Yes, people, we are witnessing a New Year's resolution right here!
Days pass and time rolling with a pace which I find tough to keep up with. The obvious is that time stops for no man and nobody should take what they have for granted. I've put myself into rehab for the past few months, healing from broken friendships and trying hard to let other people in for a change. I'm still unsure if the way I coped with the situation really helped me. It will always haunt me and create this massive phobia towards other people, which I believe is so unfair to myself just because a couple of idiots think they are better than others and could humiliate and judge you then throw you around like a ragdoll. Sigh... I couldn't bring myself to get over it. Why is it so hard, you may ask? Main point : To make matters worse, some people decided to be in the same territory as I currently am in. What nonsense. You've got your bloody stinking place to be at then why don't you just fucking stick to it? Life would be so much easier without having to puke everytime I see you. God! I need to get rid of this hate! Where is the love??? LOL. Well, eventually I will come to my senses.
A wise man once said "There is no point to get all too pissed whenever somebody gives you a hard time. Because the universe tends to unfold". Ahhh... I enjoy self-therapy lessons =)
For now, I'mma sign out. <3>

With Love,
XoXo.

Coming On Too Fast?

Boy-girl relationships, regardless of being friends, a part of your family or simply officially in a relationship. Where and when do you know the boundaries? Or is it just as simple as labeling the title like how we all label designer merchandises, Gucci, Prada… etc?
I guess in this kind of situation, we’d all have to magically turn into optimists, though sometimes at some point we do portray ourselves into the lines of being pessimists, it’s simply inevitable.
Last few days I’ve brought myself to one of the unavoidable bonds between my classmates in English class for this semester. Not all of them, but some. In which my right mind do not feel any comfort in being stuck in this sort of situation because I’m a believer in “not-getting-close-to-your-classmates-in-college-because-you-can-do-much-better-than-that” personal theory. The thing is, the whole theory sort of back fired on me after having lunch with them. Apparently some of them do have brains, and they are pretty nice to hang out with, despite age, gender, social status differences. I must admit, it was enjoyable having company since we all have somewhat socialized in class, it was a change for me to have been around them outside of class. Sadly enough though, this all happened on the last day of class for the semester, next week happens to be the finals. Sigh…
I really thought that either way it was hard for any person to accept me the way I am, because only people who understand my movements would be able to get along with me. But there I was proven wrong again, because seeing so, they looked up to my perky self, the way I was so rude yet funny? LOL. It caught me off-guard there but I’m glad to know that I’ve made a few nice friends. At least now every time I walk across the hallways I’d know who to smile at and I’d have some comfort in knowing that college isn’t such a bad place to be, there is civilization here!
Now the main issue troubling my thoughts is that I think I’m caught in between the same rituals of falling head over butterflies for “Versace”. He is completely absolutely totally opposite of my taste in boys. Or should I say another backfire? Boy I must’ve dashed right between the signs without even stopping to look at any because I should’ve been warned about things like this. I completely did not know that despite everything that’s been going on, the slightest possibility of romance would crop itself into my heart right now. Timing sure knows how to take its toll on a person when they are not alert. This is wrong. Out of the lines. It’s unfair for me, for I am so gullible in this situation. I just can’t help it, what have I done to the male species to deserve this? Maybe I’ve rejected too much that I’m now the subject of rejection? Or am I just clueless, always falling into bloody traps? I am thinking of being gay, it just doesn’t feel right to me; I’m too straight (so Nicole says).
The only thing I’m secretly hoping is that I could contain myself from humiliation and take things easy because I’m just too afraid to face it. Yes, we do text each other. And yes, I believe there are occasional flirts. But the flow of the relationship between us is like an uneven chart going up and down, back and forth between friends and something else above friends, which is confusing. And which is my weaker point. I do not wish for him to resent me for coming on too strong, neither do I want to give him the feeling that I don’t give a damn, because I do. I think about it so often these days I think I must be crazy, he’s not even my type!
What are the odds for you to fall for a person who isn’t even on your list? Or worse, far from your list!
Well, I guess it doesn’t matter. Things just happen randomly and soon enough, before I forget to breathe I’d already have forgotten that I ever had feelings for him. Until then, we’ll see how it goes.

I’m done with my long story so thank you for staying tuned. Have a nice day.

With Love,
Xoxo.

Not Getting Close, Just To Avoid The Pain.

As far as I am concern, or anybody else who might want to be updated, I am helplessly head over heels addicted to the series of Sex In The City. Four women, striving to survive in the vast moving New York city society sharing their deepest, darkest, exotic experiences and secrets about life.

Seeing how Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda handle their everyday complications, obviously every woman could relate to them either one way or the other. It is so typical of how people could share the exact similar situations as projected in the series and looking around, I feel that every woman in on earth might have been through or is going through the period of devastation within their existence. So I believe we all have a universal bond to relate to each other and watching another woman cry you would be self conscious to have the same instincts to feel her pain. I’m not being sexist because men have their issues as well, but I’m specifying on women here just because I am one too. Well, maybe not yet, but I’m getting there…

Parallel to Carrie’s memories on how agonizing and long it took to get over Mr. Big, though deep inside I believe that no matter what it took, the reminiscences of Big still dwells upon her heart and is still aching to be thrown away, I too, find it difficult myself to endure the living past of the deficient remains of my previous circle of friends. A part of me wants to forget, but the other part wants me to fight for what’s right, due to my current degraded social standing. A strong desire inside of me is burning to use violence to handle the matter, like how I’ve always did. Whenever the thoughts plunged into my head, though, why waste my time when nobody else is as concerned about it?

Recently I found out that one of my previous friends lost his long time partner. Did it bother me? Maybe a little. I can’t help it, I’m just the type of person to naturally still care. It feels like hatred vs. concern, good vs. evil, Gucci vs. Prada, feelings that words alone could not explain. But when I think back about the indirect insults which I saw with my own eyes I’d feel wounded right in the middle of the heart.

Here I point out karma. What goes around, comes back around. You know, like how the saying goes and all. I got my karma all worked out so I’m always facing it. It’ll only be a matter of time when the high school drama ends (though we’re all in college), and some people might start to realize what they have done. Repent?... Too late. Damage was already done and forgiveness is a thousand miles away.

I felt all the warm care slide slowly and drained to shrivles out of me, and there was nothing I could do about it. All there was to think about in the next social network is not to get too close to any of them just so that I can avoid further soreness.

However, I feel grateful to still have a life. I realize that many people accept me for my personality, not to be bragging or anything though. I’m satisfied with wherever I am currently and confident with myself because I am what I am, why change? If I did, wouldn’t I just be the same like everybody else? Now that’s something to think about.

Signing off,

xoxo.

A New Shine.

So I sat outside my rented home’s porch while having so many ideas about writing and describing my 19 year old life, while smoking a cigarette which I left half way because desperately enough, I needed to express these thoughts onto something. Just something to share with.

Thoughts about so many things like life, friends, family and relationships clogging through my mind and just then I realize, no matter how jumbled up these new ideas I have, I’d like to shape them into something more useful. As in a guideline, or like a mirror which others might have gotten into the same situation of which I have. Because the truth is, everybody needs a confirmation in everything they do. Something simple like “I think this guy is the right one for me to get into a relationship with, what do you think?” or “I know that my partner and I just couldn’t get along, but I love him, so what should I do?” We all have our own answers and solutions to the problem, but most of us just needed a confirmation regarding of what we think. And sadly enough, after all the advice and opinions you get surrounding you, you’d most probably stick to your own as from the start of the question.

We all need some attention in life, some value to ourselves and a hint of self concious when it comes to making decisions.

Frankly I might add, being a teenager is so much more complicated. I see things and meet people who are new to me, and then when it comes to handling a simple situation like complications in a friendship, I’ll be stoned. Slower, in response and gullible towards true human nature. To most adults who have done it, been through it and over it, these situations seem nothing compared to the world they have lived and still living today. So I am here to experiment and learn most of the important things we need to hold onto in life, in order to succeed in living to the fullest, with no regrets and become skilled at how to handle challenges accompanied by pure strength. There is nothing that I regret doing or seeing so far because it only taught me how to be as cunning as life.

And to people who look differently upon me, perhaps you’ve never really known what the truth looks like. And to you who are judging, be sure to remember that it is you who will be judged when this life ends.

P/s: Since you were such a dick, you should’ve told me earlier that you were instead of getting me into this bloody mess.

With Love,

xoxo.

Everybody Needs.

It's been such a long long time since I've typed in entries into this blog. It feels like it's growing webs in here. Months and months have gone by, many things have happened and too many complicated feelings existed in between these passing months. Sad to say, I'm not studying in Taylor's anymore. Neither am I smoking half a pack a day anymore, cos I'm doin at least a full pack now LOL.
Bite my tongue cos I don't know where to start from myself. It's like a pit hole filled with burning flames and I'm falling right into it, and I gotta save myself from it all myself. =.=
It's also like never ending blow of fists punching my face again and again and again and I dunno how long I can take it. My poor babes have so many problems and I feel like we're all drowning inside this massive fireball where everybody needs shelter and comfort. Of course, the better of us which do not have serious cases would intend to provide shelter and comfort to the ones who are in major shit. I guess I consider myself fortunate because although I know I'm in major shit, I do not regard myself as being in major shit because I've got strong self control. In the eyes of people, I may seem to be fine and I'd try not to get people involved into whatever shit I'm having. Cos I know I caused the whole mess myself and I need to clean it up myself, but I seriously doubt anybody would rescue me if I died. Everybody needs help. I know I do. I support my friends and I know I'd be there whenever anybody needs me. I'd get myself in trouble because I wanna help people but when I need somebody to at least care I couldn't find any.
Could somebody tell me why?
Maybe it's my problem things are so fucked. But I dunno why I'm typing this, maybe I'm just fucking crazy. Oh well... Tomorrow's a better day.
Please let me die.

Echo.

I close my eyes,
Let the whole thing pass me by,
There is no time to waste asking why.

I'll runaway with you by my side,
I'll runaway with you by my side.

I need to let go of this pride.

I think about your face,
And how I fell into your lies.
The circle that I traced around the one that I call mine,
Well the time we called for some space,
Unclear where you drew the line.

I don't need to solve this case,
And I don't need to look behind.

But it still echos in my mind...

Do you expect me to change the past I hold inside?
With all the words you say repeating in my mind.
Well there are some things you can't erase,
No matter how hard you try.
An exit to escape is all there's left to find.

So I close my eyes,
Let the whole thing pass me by.
There is no time to waste asking why...
But I'll runaway with you by my side,
I'll runaway with you by my side...

I need to let go of this pride.
Until this echo in my mind.
Until this echo can forever subside.



xoxo.

Forest Gump.

It's been awhile since I've been emotionally touched by a movie I'd randomly see. Have you ever heard of a movie by Tom Hanks with the title of this post?


Forest Gump. A beautiful, unique piece of work; such fine actors and actresses accompanied by a spectacular storyline, amazed and touched every inch of my soul. It did, by the way, sent shivers down my spine. I wish I was more like Forest, innocent and never strays away too far from what he's supposed to think. Then I realized that no matter how much you've gained in life, though on the surface you'd portray happiness, deep down in your little tiny heart you're never satisfied. Humans - we're never satisfied with what we have. It's just the way we are.

If someone wasn't selfish enough, nobody would be labelled as "too poor". If someone could've just gave something, they wouldn't even have to come up with the word "war". If somebody could've lent a helping hand, then nobody would be feeling a little "lost"...

I couldn't see the outline of my life. I've got big dreams but nothing to reach them, yet. Because I'm such a liar that I feel scared to believe that I could do it. What if everything I've ever wanted to do just turned out as a big fat lie to myself? What if I was thrown out by my own dreams and fell into some place where nobody could save me and not even myself?

I hope things would turn out as they should, and I hope the world will always spin around in a circle. Cos if it would spin in complicated ways and turned all topsy turvey, I sure don't want to be the first to fall.

If you haven't watched this, please do search for it. I can tell you that it's worth while. Give yourself some brain washing sessions and I do hope things would work out for you.

This man is brilliant. Tom Hanks (Forest Gump, 1994.)

With love,
xoxo.

Should I Still Be Trying?

Being in ADP for 3 semesters since last year is not exactly something I couldn't handle. I admit, I fucked up all my semesters, nearly including the one I'm currently in. However, I've disciplined myself not to skip ANY classes (sorry Mr. Izwan, perhaps skipping a few classes of Islamic Studies is inevitable for me, I've always hated this bloody subject since high school) and obeyed with my parents' advice.

Today I was a few minutes late for my CHEM101 class. The moment I stepped into the 12th floor hallway I realized that if I were to knock on the classroom door and attend the class then getting a spicy scolding from Ms. Bessie would be a fucked up way to start my day.
At this point, being the fucked up person as I already am (takes time to change, OK?), would rather choose to ignore the consequences that I might never be accepted back into college if I failed this sem again.

I mean seriously though, can't a girl just chill? Plus I was sitting at the nearest cafe doing some
Psychology revision cos I was going to have a test about it later on. I thought I did pretty well for the test and I'm feeling good about it. All thanks to the time I had during the whole CHEM101 period. Right now I know what you must be thinking.

"Fuck la Sarah, you should've attended the class even though you were late and you should've studied for the test earlier la. You stupid idiot!"

WELL FUCK YOU. =P

The best part of the story is that I'm sitting in the library right now typing this new post because I am pissed. Pissed at what? You must be asking.

Well, my dear friends, I am pissed at the attendence marks given to me for Chemistry classes. Fucking retarded piece of crap I've got 3 missed lessons posted up on the school's website when I've only skipped like 1 class? Hell yeah I get my ass up for classes every freaking day and yet some people percieve me to be transparent? Can't they see me sitting in class everyday?? FUCK ADP. Lies! ALL LIES!!! I ATTENDED ALL MY CLASSES BITCH!

Well I'm getting this all sorted out when class resumes next week. Why the hell does this happen during a weekend eve? Am I not trying hard enough? Well I know I haven't but I'm not as fucked up as I look or act OK????????? Geez... This is giving me a heart attack. Where is liberty when you need it?


Not giving any love today.
Bye~ <3

Brave.

I've never expected sympathy,
I've never learned to lean on nobody,
Yet lately it feels so differently,
Obviously everybody needs somebody.

When you don't know who to trust,
Rely too much on your lust,
You realize you need help,
You don't want to but desperately, it's a must,
Without it your world turns to dust.

I reached out for the final cry for help,
It's disappointing when all you get is a slap,
But you tell yourself, "Hey stupid, don't you cry!",
Just stand back up and never say goodbye.

The true confession is that we're pathetic,
We convince ourselves that miraculously there'll be magic,
Then chill around and try to forget it.

So everyday I force myself to face the day,
Deep down I know we all feel the same,
Though the journey would sometimes sway us away,
I know for sure I could be brave.


Xoxoxo. <3

Lately.

It's been a whole damn month since I've updated. My apologies, fellow mates. The ship I've been boarding sank halfway through the journey across South China sea. LOL.
27th January - the day I was born. 24th January - the night my dearest friend Nicole and I traveled upwards Penang, my father's hometown to celebrate CNY.
We hitched a ride with my aunt and yes the journey was very tiring... I nearly lost my mind when there wasn't even a second I could take to steal a bloody smoke. I felt like a retarded Llama.
After 6 agonizing hours, we got off Juru toll where my cousin picked us up. It's been like.. seriously a year since I saw my dad's family so it was sort of awkward when we got off my aunt's car and hugging with those people. Like duh... social social ok?
It was so fun back in Penang. Undeniably, I felt the happiest there. With my poor cousin YK being my very own "Ahmad" =P and giving me a beautiful butterfly pendant for my birthday present. Thank you, gor, muackssss love you so much <3. face="times new roman">


Fishes swimming under the sea. LOL

The whole bunch of Patrick Nicole bought during our trip all around Penang. DAMN PATRICKS. We actually went hunting around for them =.= My legs still feel shaky due to excessive walking. LOL.

WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.... Don't you feel like you could drown in them??? Fuck.

Gor Gor was our first victimized "model" for some of the Patricks we bought. HAHA! Gor you look so cute with that thing there =P

Vain people take vain pictures. Taken the night just before our departure back to KL.

And so, the holiday in Penang ended just like that. I'd love to remember the experience always. Can't wait to get my ass back there in March =) I've got like a 3 day holiday and I'm grabbing that chance. Wait for me!!!

Gor gor missed me and Nicole so much that after 2 days of returning back to KL he called me up to tell me that he's coming down to KL with his friends. zzz. I was shocked yet touched. Happy to have him around and I think I havent had a decent nap for 1 week. Last couple of days after Nicole left did I have sufficient rest. I must say I'ma miss my babe. Love you lots. Hope time will come when we could really experience LIFE together. New York, babehhh... Don't get pregnant too early arh =.= Fucking cucuk you with kayu balak then you know. LOL

So most of the stuff I wanted to say, have been said. Thank you for visiting my rusty blog. =)
PENANG PENANG PENANG FEVER!!!!!!!!!

xoxoxo,
With Love,
Your Babe. <3

2009.

So... It's a new year, right? I know I was supposed to blog about this last week and avoid not updating but many stuff have caught my attention. For instance, people keep questioning my new year's resolution. Seems like an important thing to do ( to have a resolution). But in my mind, all I can think of was to straighten out my education and the ever so bad relationship I'm having with my parents now because I brought a huge pile of shit "home" with me from Kuala Lumpur. Fuck right?

Anyhooo, I guess we all have different aims and directions we wanna move forward to, since it's a new year, everybody wants to start over being something new and being satisfied with this thing called "life" once more eh? Count me in, for I've been an asshole eversince high school and spank me as hard as you might but I think this is gonna take time for me to get used to the idea of being an obedient daughter as well as an acing student. Please slap me, I've grown a little mature in the head! Aaaaaaaaaaaaa!............................. =.=

So the new year's was celebrated here, in Sunway with Wenni, Jason and Meimei, while the rest went missing LOL. It was fun and I had time to recollect the fun part of it, at the stroke of midnight people were sparying each other with party sprays and what not, it was obscenely fun. It's amazing how we all get to socialize in this circle of community and have fun despite being strangers to one another. Whatever it was, it was really fun. The crowd was awesome and despite past unlucky events, I believe I could make the best out of 2009. This time, I'd need to wake up and get myself good grades =) Pray for me and pray for yourselves, please. We all need hope and luck as much as we can get.

Things I need to complete before the end of 2009:

1. Upgrade my CGPA to at least an average B.
2. Learn how to control my money spending (I don't just spend money, I flush them down the toilet =.=)
3. Appreciate my family. Cos it gets fucked up everytime I go back to visit them.
4. Loose 10 pounds. (Fingers crossed!)
5. Find that someone... XD You knwo what I mean (Fingers crossed in complicated gestures and in all directions cos I hope it's Jesse McCartney HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA)

Well... I guess I consider myself well off. I'm glad that I'm still breathing though there are times when I wanna drown myself or bang my head on the wall and die. The truth is, let's face it, we're all in the same boat so let's just keep our heads up, chill and screw the hell out of this life since we're being screwed by it! =D But whenever the going gets tough, don't forget to breathe, at the same time appreciate every breath you take. Life's too short and many things are out there to be discovered, man.










With Love,
xoxoxoxo Your Babe. <3

The Next Flight "Home".

I've got 2 homes, currently. The one that I'm in right now is not a comfortable place for me to be in, considering I brought a pile of shitty results home for my dad. My parents are now mentally torturing me by ignoring me and occasionally taking out their anger on me by pissing the hell out of me most of the time. It really bloody hurts but oh-so-help me I'm still breathing ain't I? sigh.

Tonight I shall depart from this place though I have to admit I'd miss it alot. Especially, my idiotic friends. I must say, I've never thought about how much people actually care about individuals though they're not really close in terms of friendship. Last night I believe I gained another good friend. I've always thought of the guy as an asshole who prefers to disturb and make jokes out of girls especially me. But... He was a close friend of Nicole's so... whatever, eh? LOL. And, above all, HE COOKS. Like, seriously, the guy's a chef, man! I bet he's still struggling to find his one true talent and learning how to master it. Well, good luck pal =) I totally forgot to thank him for the late night dinner. >>>> Thank you, monkey! ;P

My Nicole. This stupiak only knows how to be a fish. Her one true talent.

Hey... Ouch... MY EYES!!!! =.=

We were Malay girls on special occasions and weirdly retarded Chinese people on normal days?? I seriously do not know what's happening here =.=

Woohoooo..... Look who I bumped into here! Joy!!!! My biatch =P hehehe

My Kimmie!!! Babe, don't be shy, please show us your camel face hahahahahaa..

The birthday girl, Jill! LOL. Now that she's 21 AND TOTALLY LEGAL, perhaps it's time SHE brought us to a journey in a club, eh? XD

Look!!! I gained another baby!!! Hahaha the little cute "cat thing", also a new addition in Jill's home. Do not be fooled by this picture, he bites. No, seriously... He does.

There's more but I'm too lazy to post anymore up hehe. I'm gonna miss this place. Looking forward to see Nicole again next year in January, she's coming down to KL for a visit and hell yeah! We'll be having some serious fun. But of course, there's that academic thing I need to complete and get my track back on. Pray for me, will ya? =) Thanks.

With Love,
Your Babe. <3

A Flight Back Home.

Running from every situation. That’s what I’ve been doing these past few weeks. I dreaded the day my academic results would finally arrive because then I’d have to say bye bye to freedom and joy, hello to grounded for life. This is awfully pathetic and I’m bearing with this until the day I’d step my feet onto Kuala Lumpur grounds again.

Never have I wished so hard that time would pass on as quick as it can so that I could at last leave this stupid place. I’ve been counting on the clock each day as if I’m catching an invisible fly throughout a rapid growing time line, it’s like I’m using a time machine and chasing each second desperately. Too bad though, my poor dear old godsis Nicole would miss me a lot (LOL). I cant’s help it, you know? I feel like I’m in prison already just staying home and look like a decoration statue here. What are my activities again? Eat, sleep, watch television (the rather amusing curricular of course), (here comes the ugly part) do the laundry, iron the clothes, basically house chores and make sure my brother doesn’t die of hunger due to playing too much computer that he forgets to eat.

In other words, I’m starting to miss my crazy loveable buddies back there.

Wenni auntie: Bubu, your whole life is seen as a big joke, and you would definitely put a sun into gloomy days. Whenever you get angry, your face looks like a puffer fish with rabbit teeth, but believe me, you have the most distinguished personality in the whole of our band of “Lapsap Taylor’s Gang” of friends. Muacksss… I miss you. T.T Can’t wait to get back there and hang out like how we always used to.

Feon MeiMei: BuNeh, you are the cutest little thing ever. Sometimes when you ask stupid questions, I feel like feeding you with a slipper than milk. My sweet little daughter, my caring and beautiful friend. Don’t get raped please (choi choi choi) cos you’re really cute. If anyone woulda dare to bully you… We will send Wenni (with no make up) to scare him/her. If that doesn’t work then always remember, I’ll be there. =)

Jodie SotSot: NehBu, you took care of my babies bibi and kiki, I feel all grateful towards your help and kindness. Truly, you are a person any friend could count on. You care and never fail to share your gossip with us. And from what I heard, you are the president of the gossip gang? LOL. I have to admit that’s seriously funny, man. Have fun in Japan and don’t forget our souvenirs!!! (hohohohohohoooo~)

Jason Mama: I miss your lapsap loud voice. Yerrr.. er xin =.= Later you think I’m confessing to you?? Sei mama, don’t you miss me?? >.< la ="P">

Edan Papa: No matter how lapsap and “niang niang qiang” you are, you will always be lapsap and niang niang qiang egg egg. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA… Seeing you sad and down is like a pain in my ass. And so you have earned your title as the “Emo King”. Cheer up, man, stuff happens, nobody could avoid bad things from happening and we all go through the same pain, perhaps in different situations, asshole. =) Muacksss.

And so concludes the love letters to the bunch of people. I must say, when I was there, I felt desperate to get back here. But now that I’m here, I seriously feel like getting my ass back there. This is… extremely retarded. There goes my life in Miri.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh JUST SHOOT ME!

xoxoxo

With Lotsa' Love (since I don't got many here),

Your Babe <3.

Letter To The Chairman of Morons.

Dear Mr. Stupid,

Hi. I just looked through some stuff in the net and came across pictures of you. Suddenly I’d recall about how much I used to like you. It’s as though the feeling’s rushing back into my veins.

However, as you and I both know how fragile the current situation is, there’s nothing left for me to say. Instead, I could only silently watch and observe whatever that’s happening. Sadly enough though because the only way to let this slip away for me is by typing this awfully lame piece for my own satisfaction. LOL.

You must think I am an idiot. Or a person who is mentally incapacitated. For sure, I am. Everybody is. Even you now, you who are reading this post I wrote just because you’re a bloody busy-body with no life =). Haha to you, lamer. But since you’re here, let’s continue now, shall we? ^^

Anyways… My dearest Mr. Stupid, stop being such a fucking gully go happy charmer. It’s bad for your being, health, reputation and most of all, bad for all the girls and boys. It’s hard not to fall for a charmer. Somebody could end up being hurt. Or worse, hearts can break into uncountable pieces. Who is there to blame for? People will start blaming themselves for the feelings they hold. Some might even resort to suicide because they can’t cope with stuff that’s been going on. Well mostly idiots do that. Idiots who happen to put their brains somewhere near their assholes, then end up shitting all their intellectuals out just cos they fell in “L.O.V.E.” and dunno how to deal with it. Those people, I might add, are seriously fucking stupid. They do not deserve a life. So what? Everybody’s got problems. We’re facing shit everyday and we’re considered fortunate enough to have 3 or more meals a day. Some people just don’t appreciate this basic necessity in life. What are we here for? To be a victim of how we feel? We all feel we sacrifice a lot and think we’re high and mighty than the rest when the truth is we’re all amateurs. Do you deserve a medal? Cos you’ve sacrificed your feelings for something that’s not even worth a shit? Well congratulations, here’s your token of golden shinny medal with lot’sa middle fingers pointing at you. The real world, baby, nothing is as easy as it seems. You turn around, everything is phony. You’re surrounded by hypocrites and lies that you can practically read from the palm of your hand. But then you play along, pretending to be just another idiot and continue with the game. Because you’re either lazy or scared to confront knowing that the chances of winning for you is like having George W. Bush as the president of the United States again.

So it all falls back to consciousness. Are you awake? Have you woken up from that small small lousy self of yours? Are you guilt-free now, knowing that there might be a few number of idiots just wasting their time and lives away just cos they have feelings for you? I for one know that I am. I’m currently wasting my time here, typing all this bullshit out when I could be doin something better with my life like studying since the finals are coming up, or I could just waste all this time doing some good deed like shit in my pants or something. Do you see how irrelevant you are? You’re nothing but a sick, pathetic little nut-head and the earth happens to hate you.

Now, now, don’t cry. Don’t hate me. Despise me, pretty please. Cos I know all about the mind games you’re trying to pull. You, you, you and YOU. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA (evil hysteric laugh).

I shall have your meat sliced into thin layers of bacon, your bones decorated in my living room, your head as my personal punching bag, your skin sewed into a fine wallet and your blood as garnish for wine in a fancy dinner party I shall throw in the near future. HELL YEAH!

With lot’sa hugs before you rot in hell and die with a thousand agony,
Xoxoxo
Me the sexy babe <3.

Tagged... by Eeeeeeva =.=

Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse.These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.
I was tagged by Eeeeeeeeva aka the only female robot (Wall-E's girlfriend) I know in ADP so far. I tagged Nicole, Dang, SON SHELLA, twinneh Karlynn =P and Wenni (lol the crazy sakkais)...

1st : What's your name?
Sarah.

2nd : How old are you?
18 and smokin hot hohohooo =D

3rd : What are three electronics you can't live without?
My cellphone, Notebook and Air-cond.

4th : Are you amazing?
WTF? HELL YEAH.

5th : What is the brand of the phone you are using?
Samsung.

6th : What colour is your phone?
Silverish blue? lol. Not a favourite but =) I'd love my phone even if it dropped into a toilet bowl full of pee (litterally).

7th : Have you slept in school before?
Yes. But the kids were damn noisy so i force slept myself. =.=

8th : How long are you online in one day?
No idea never kept track of that.

9th : How would you describe yourself?
... Not to self-boost or anything but I can be a bitch most of the time haha.. So bear with me =) I do not try to be sexy cos its just the way I am. WE'RE ALL HOTTTT N SMOKINNN LADIESSSSSS XD
10th : What's your favourite topic to talk about?
SITC if ya know what I mean ;) Nicole, I know you do haha...

11th : Which teacher do you like?
MISS CHEW!!! MRS. SINGH!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHH

12th : Who do you think is the most handsome in your class?
Arh? Got leng zai meh? Never notice...

13th : Who are you currently aiming on?
Chris Brown, Jesse McCartney and any other hot guy which passes my way.

14th : Do you know a lot of your sibling's secrets?
Yes. My brother has a girlfriend =P And he's only 14 =.=

15th : How do you rate your sibling?
Lapsap.

16th : Is your sibling gorgeous?darn gorgeous!

17th : Do you judge people?
I guess...

18th : Do you run?
Run? Run from what?

19th : Are you lazy to tag people?
YES. EXTREMELY.

20th : Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
My CSCI101 Bussiness Presentation group member.

21st : What's 2 + 2?
=.= 4 la..

22nd : Who's your idol?
Britney Spears, Ashlee Simpson, Paris Hilton and Carrie Underwood...?

23rd : Are you a monster?
Yes.

24th : Do you play with Barbie dolls?
Yes, I used to love Barbie dolls.

25th : What was the last movie you watched?
Madagascar II Escape to Africa.

26th : What do you think about your English?
Fluently retarded.

27th : What do you think about your Bahasa Malaysia?
Cacat macam orang gila.

28th : Who do you hate?
Ji bai po.

29th : Do you love yourself?
Yes.

30th : Blurt out 5 random words.
blah, nehneh, bubu, fuck, LOL.

THIS WAS SO LAME =.= ... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I Am Pathetic.

Amazingly, I caught myself once more in a shallow fucked up situation. I didn't know what was more pathetic. The fact that I cried in major public; my crazy hormones flying all over the place which in turn made me feel so frustrated with everything around me; the finals and how I'm still so raw about what's happening and how I'm gonna pass it; or the fact that someone wanted to borrow me money because of how pathetic my bloody pathetic situation is and further more enhance my pathetic-ness.
Figures... How I could feel so much when all that happened was merely a "dispute" in my ATM card. But of course, because of that, I'm b.r.o.k.e. with maybe less than 50cents in my pursue. Yippie...! I'm the happiest young lady in the world, I could just feel my heart tingling with joy and clenched fists.
Suddenly something hit me painfully hard in the heart. I missed my daddy. I missed my mummy. I have been depending on them so much financially eversince I've been living alone. So far I haven't done any shit to repay their deeds. What frustration meant to them? And what it means to me? There's a big gap right there. The thing is, my daddy have been constantly teaching me about this thing called life. Through his emotions, cognitive and most importantly, his most valuable - experiences. Whatever my parents have been through, I salut. I'd never understand the exact same confusions, but I'd know for sure that I can distinguish them through mummy's and daddy's eyes.
I love you, Daddy.
I love you, Mummy.
I shall cherish this life. For better or for worse, for everything that I have felt, am feeling or will be feeling in future, for all the little things that would alter my emotions, for any other things that would change my life. For now, for always, for as long as I remember the legacy of you, my mother and father, who have brought me into this world. Beautiful, talented, strong both physically and mentally, challenging, prepared, confident and still learning all in my own way. There are yet so many things for me to observe and relate to in this world, for it is too big. Mayhap I might feel a little lost at times (or most of the time), yet I long for success, for a future as someone who could contribute not just to myself, but to you; to make a small difference in this world; it doesn't matter, as long as I could reach that tiny step, I would die a happy woman in my later years.

With Love and still growing up,
Your Babe <3.

Not A Boy, But A Real Man.

Being in college has its advantages and disadvantages. One of the many things you'd be hanging around with are boys. They're everywhere. So to say that it's a damn college, and cos you're 18, they're only filled with growing-up-just-starting-to-mature pure, plain and simple boys.
Don't get me wrong, boys can be fun; but a man...
A man gives you that sense of security, the feel of a perfect lover who's always there to take care of things, that one strong figure whom you could hide yourself in his arms with. Most importantly, a mature way of thinking and perspective on matters of everything. Personally I liked the secure part. *wink*
It's been a while since I've gotten myself engaged with any form of relationship with a real man. Recently, I've met this 27 year old man, and I became involved. The main point is, he's not Malaysian, ;) He's an Arabian. Which is good since I've been getting a tripe out of all the many asian guys surrounding me. It's time to get some romance from another different kind of lover. There always is a difference, they can be very different in bed and I mean it *ehemm*
Hopefully it would be something significant. Even if it was only 1 moment of it, I can tell you this - it was bloody well worth it. Immersing myself with him made me feel all the more reason to strive for what I hope to get in life. I'd be fine even he'd never call me again though fingers crossed, cos it was something refreshing and I guess I'd stay to remember it. Nicole babe, I got my vitamin XD
If you've watched Samantha Jones in Sex In The City and Carrie Bradshaw these 2 inseparable best friends on screen, then somehow that friendship and future carrier is what most me and my bestest girl friend Nicole share incommon. But of course, let's skip out their sex life cos thats a little way over the line =)
We're all still searching.
Yet what I found in this new man, a rebirth of culture, meaning and spirit is the theme I think I should be presenting with this post. After all, he wasn't a boy, but a real, strong man.

With Love,
xoxoxoxoxoooo
Your Babe <3.

The Absence Of Innocence.

Have you ever wondered about those days when you could stare into a candy shop and look all innocent and cute? Felt good when you were little and your mummy or daddy would buy you that piece of candy you desire so much that you'd cry for, did it?
I lost that innocence 8 years ago, roughly.
Now, there's just too many stuff to be worrying about and I can't help to get my head up straight again. *sigh*
FINALS ARE COMING UP. *bangs wall*
I should just say bye bye to adp... I'm a little down cos my previous exams sucked ass. I'm officially screwed. Very screwed. Helpppppppppppppppppppppp...........................
I need a hero...........................................................


Because I am...

LOL.

Sobs,
Your Babe... T.T

Retarded In My Own Way.

It's not that I'm trying to degrade myself or make my situation seem worse than anyone else's.
It's just that I'm merely not doing simple shit about my life, about how I could improve it, despite my lazy-bone-syndrome. Yes, I feel retarded.

But oh-so-help-me if I could change this weird disorder I diagnosed myself with. I feel like a sea biscuit, randomly. Anyhoo, days to finals are closing in on me and fellow ADP-ians. Good luck, people! Having to say this, I can't wait to get my ass back to Miri ASAP. *sigh*
Wonder what's in store for me after this sem. Could I be zombie-like failing again? Or god bless and I'd have great grades? LOL. I guess I don't really deserve it. I know I'm getting a little too comfy with my environment now, I feel like a typical daddy's girl =P and loving every moment of it! XD
Deep down inside I trust myself to indulge into this comfiness as long as it lasts. Because I know, some day I'm going to have to face reality and endure way too much pressure on this thing called "life" then perhaps get infected with some freaky prognostic.

Did I mention that about last week I dropped my phone into a piss-filled toilet bowl? Eww. It was sad for awhile then. But with all my might I fought through the sadness and regained joy with a strong heart!!! Hohohohoo... Wenni, stop laughing at my misery =.= It was an accident and I don't believe you wouldn't feel any less depressed if YOUR dearest cellphone was in the same situation as my beloved cellphone!!! Grrrr... >.<>

And so... Let us all pray for a better day.

*NOT*! Hahahahaaa..

Let's rephrase that. We should all GAMBATAE! Everything is possible, nothing to it. ^^V!

Muackssss xoxoxo
With lots'a loveeee <3>

My Reasons.

Everything happens for a reason.
Dunno where I heard about this before.
But it would make sense everytime something weird did happen so I'm guessing the person who came up with this "theory" should be damn famous cos such a simple sentence meant a hell lot of bullshit. I meant that in a good way. But of course somebody once questioned me "Why is there a need for anything to be either GOOD or BAD?"
Well fuck, how'd I know? Usually people would judge me and the stuff I did with either a "good" or a "bad" so how was I supposed to know?
Thats what I learned to do, judge with these 2 choices.

That's it. Thank you for tuning in.
Don't gag on your way out.
If you did, congratulations and have a splendid life.
If you didn't then
Fuck you. _l_
I'm just being random.


xoxo
With Love,
Babe <3.