I'm Not Missing You.

I used to hate seeing myself dragging my two feet wherever I go, miserable about life and dictating when would be the best time to permanently have a mental breakdown.
But I think I've got it all figured out. I did bleed. Or so crave my heart out and let it drip with whatever blood it has left, I realized that I've got so much more to live for. Why was I - hot, young, sexy (=P), full of life and passion, tripping over some asshole I merely have a crush on? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA GOD MUST BE LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY AT MY FOOLISHNESS!!!!!!
LOL. And so, I'll just let it all flow back into place as natural as it can. Will never stop to confess, neither will I even hesitate to answering a bunch of fucked up questions anyone would like to throw into my face. COME ON AND ATTACK ME, PEOPLE!!!! FOR AM NO LONGER A WEAK LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!!!! ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!! HAHAHAHAHA...
Do I sound high? Probably do.. ~.~ I'm not on crack in case you were wondering.... blehhhh
The reason why I pulled my own ass back up was because... of... my dearest... one and only...
Nicole... thank you. I read your blog. And I was very touched...
I know I was totally fucked up a few days before because of that idiot.. And I'm sorry it made you sad as well... I love you girl... Kerry never fails to bring Samantha back up from her "nightmare" =D hehehehe.... I'm backkkkkkk.... ^^V

World, here I come!
With lots'a love and lots'a kisses,
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoo
YOUR BABEHHHHH. <3

I Need To Mourn.

I need to mourn and hide...
I feel so helpless...
My life is wonderful, I've got no problems... I have everything I want. My parents love me, I've got all the support and in fact, it's more than I'll ever need.
But... I'm empty... I feel like the worst idiot in this whole fucked up world.
How could I've been so blind? I need to mourn, conclusively...
I need to stop breathing. Then tell myself that I shouldn't think about him anymore. Get over it. Off with all that crap. Brain wash me if you have to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to ignore the fact that deep down in my little heart I have crazy jumbled up feelings for him... Leave me alone... Just let me be a human with no feelings... I need to study. I need to get a life. I need to wake up.
Please, let me forget him. It's useless. Am officially 100% positive that he already likes someone else... Although he kept denying it and kept turning away from this topic. As a friend, I would like him to have all the happiness in the world, despite whatever stuff he's been going through.
But as a girl... Especially as a girl who's having this sort of feeling for the first time, I just can't bring myself to accept the fact that I can't be that lucky person he thinks of someone special in that way...
God I hate myself. Posting something as ridiculous as this. But you know what, I don't really care. Even if he did see what I wrote then so be it. Trust me, I'll get over you. Just give me some time and let me give myself a little bit of a slap. I can be the sweetest sugar or the extreme bitterness you can ever taste.
As I'm writing this, I finally realized how stupid I was... and still am...
With all my heart... and any strength left inside of me I'm proudly and sincerely saying this -

To him: Good luck... I'll always be happy for you... Don't regret anything bad cos it's all a part of life. I won't confess anything to you even if you or anybody else asked cos I want to let this secret just die. I want to bury it deeper than six feet under and hope it won't ever come alive again and swallow me up ever... I just want you to know that you're a great guy. Treat a girl right. I know you will. And if you think you're that guy then congratulations, you've won my heart but too bad you can never prove that you did because I ain't telling. And too bad you had to tear it apart not knowing that you did. Anyways since you already have feelings for some random girl then hopefully you know what to do. Have fun with that. Don't sympathize me, I'm not as weak as I sound. I'm truly happy for you......

I hope tomorrow will be a better day... My parents are coming back...
With love,
me.

Gossip =P

Hey hey =D
LOL hahahahahahaaaa....
In this post, would like to nominate the best couple picture.
And the SECOND PLACE GOES TO~~~~
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DANG
DANG
DANG (Dang, darling, not u arh =P)


WENNI AUNTIE AND JASON MAMA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
Why second place arh?
Of course larh!!! Serious shit, wei... COS FIRST PLACE GOES TO NONE OTHER THAN ME AND EDAN LARH!!!! HAHAHAHA so perfect de couple pic, everyone would go crazy and can't accept it larh =P blehhhh see it to believe it!!!

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Although he looks retarded and I look constipated, you've gotta admit that we're both photogenic =P
Haiyorrr lazy write too much cos...
Some people might get angry at me...
Sorry lorh... Don't worry, I'll try not to fall for him. Well not too hard, anyways hehe...
This post was written just for fun, cos I felt the need to write and scribble something.

Edan arh, you know that I like to take pics with you right? But... Scared la... Why arh?... Mama whack me lorh... Naughty girl lehh... Hiao you this "LOL" de papa... zzzz free also I bu xi han lorh actually bububububuuuu... =.=

Anyways... I know you need a place to throw all your shit, just remember if you need someone's ear, I can borrow my ear to you. I will diam diam let you talk finish your crap... But then you will owe me more and more Baskin Robins with extra strawberry topping lorh horh... XD hohohohoo... Humans shall never be satisfied with the stuff they have, so to say. Good luck, muacksssssssssss french kiss with Wenni jie's porn tongue movement............................

Message to Jason and Wenni : LOL Bye.

Nicole babe... XD hahahahahaha miss you... And chill girl, many guy out there not just that idiot, when meet dao more better de then dump him bahs.......................... Love you <3>

May I Be My Own Mirror, Pretty Please?

It is at times like these when we all try to look deep down within to check out the highlighted question of "What's wrong with me?"
Yes, you may wonder this at a probability of 1 out of 4 quarters in your whole miserable life. Maybe I just happen to be narrating this to myself, or maybe you're just paranoid with yourself since you're still reading this whole irrelevant sentence and wasting about 5 to 10 seconds of your life depending on how fast you read. So stop reading. I know you want to switch the tabs and go to a different website. Go on... Go Ahead... Just don't trip on your way out. Don't even need to turn back. Just take a hike. There. Bye.
Now, back to me, myself and I...
LOL... Was just playing with ya =P
Currently, am a little depressed so I'd be posting up lotsa emo stuff... Gonna need all the help I can grab to get over my "cutie"... So thank you darlings for staying beside me and supporting me, leaving touching comments in my posts... Muackssss
Give me some time to completely forget that I ever had feelings for this guy, I need to wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!! *slaps* LOL




xoxo,
Your Babe.
Muacksssss

I Just Want To Pretend.

If only I could pretend he's mine, hold his hand without a doubt, savior each moment and each smile then cast them all away so I could pretend I was blind.

If only I could pretend he liked me first, then I could get mad at him without having to burst, lust that feeling which I have always thirsted.

If only I could pretend that when he cares so deeply, he meant it with sincerity, and not just making up words to make me happy, for its the main reason why I bleed too quickly.

If only I could believe that for a tiny second his world was dedicated to me and me alone, because i doubt that everytime he sees me, in the corner of his eyes some other people would share that same glory, I want him to be my one and only...

If only I could be hypnotized, then tear my feelings apart, I would give the whole world a shock, for they could never understand how complex it is - this matter of heart.

If only he said what he meant, gave me his security, love me oh so tenderly, I could lay in his arms and breathe, anticipate every precious moment I'd give my all just to get a chance and hide there crying...

If only I could pretend that for this moment he was mine, then everything would fall into place, cos I won't have to pick up the pieces alone... Because after all, I just want to pretend that he's mine... and mine for keeps ~*



xoxoxo,
Your babe...

Matters of the Heart.

Should I be sober or should I contaminate myself with emotions considering the title bestowed upon this post?


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Well anyways....
Let us counter attack the lyrics in Celine Dion and Barbara Streisand's duet single "Tell Him".If you have been following my little story then you do know that I currently have a crush on someone. I know that I may sound a little corny here, but I'm seriously outta my head right now...

LOL like I told Nicole the other day I needed her to slap me so I'd wake up from this nightmare...
Right, then lets continue. And yeah, so I like this guy, but... Am not going to pursue into blabbing out his name because its highly classified as something sacred at this moment. Why? You may ask again. Simply because IF I were to tell, I might jeopardize something critically more important than a Baskin Robins ice-cream with extra strawberry topping, this is THE ultimate secret, I doubt that anybody on the surface could guess.
These few days I've been clueless and tossing and turning around endlessly about this whole situation. My worries of why what when and how, they keep circulating in my brain... The main point is, "should I tell him?"
Which raises the issue of “Yes” or “No”? Of course i did a survey with a couple of my intimate friends including myself regarding this subject whether I should tell or just shut the hell up and all of them said YES to my question. The thing is, they have no idea what I was about to risk and how embarrassing it would feel if I said "Hey, I think I'm falling head over heels for you!" and then his reaction would be "Oh..." *stares at me in disgust* Lame... I just needed him to know... Get it? So I'd feel more comfortable and secured without having to hide away this feeling everytime it tries to leap outta my tiny heart lol...

"Compare & Contrast" (LOL ENG101) Tell Him -

Tell Him - Celine Dion & Barbra Streisand
I'm scared
so afraid to show i care
Will he think me weak?
If I tremble when I speak
What if
There’s another one he’s thinking of, maybe he’s in love
I’d feel like a fool, life can be so cruel
I don’t know what to do

(Firstly, besides the sentence where "life can be so cruel", this part of the song is exactly how I feel. Thank you Celine and Barbra for singing and producing this song. Seriously, am not 100% positive that he's not in like with someone else... Though I can feel the chemistry and all... Maybe I was just being way too "perasan".)

I've been there
With my heart out in my hand
But what you must understand
You can’t let the chance
To love him pass you by

(I strongly shouldn't miss that chance for not letting him know, but... Oh well...)

Touch him With the gentleness you feel inside Your love can’t be denied, the truth will set you free You’ll have what’s meant to be All in time you’ll see
I love him
Of that much i can be sure I don’t think I could endure
If I let him walk away
when I have so much to say

(... Actually haven't even started any relationship to know that if i truly "love" him or the otherwise so let's not jump into conclusions that I "love" this guy eh? LOL. Am just friends with him at the moment =.= but then there are times when just I feel like screaming at him "HEY DAMN IT CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I BLOODY LIKE YOU?! ARE YOU BLIND?!" lol then again I don't wanna come on too strong or too fierce that I'd scare the poor guy off =p)

Tell him
Tell him that the sun and moon rise in his eyes

Reach out to him and whisper
Tender words so soft and sweet
Hold him close to feel his heart beat
Love will be the gift you give yourself

Love is light that surely glows
In the hearts of those who know
It’s a steady flame that grows
Feed the fire with all the passion you can show
Tonight love will assume its place
This memory time cannot erase
Blind faith will lead love where it has to go

(Really? Apart from all that "love" crap in this song, I think it pretty much matches my current dilemma... *sigh* what the hell is wrong with me??)

Ok so we're done with that. I've been having a major headache since the night before and I think I need to rest. But I just couldn't pull myself into getting any because I don't know what to think. I need to wake up. I need to see the sunrise again and I need to constantly remind myself that I am independent. I don't need any guy to upgrade my self esteem. Reality never fails to hit me hard, before I realize it I've just fallen. Too bad nobody can help me pick up those pieces...
This happened many times but never before have I felt so comfortable with a guy, so please do excuse me for pissing the bejesus (quoted from Ms. Mary my ENG200 lecturer) out of you. He seems so different and I like the way he treats me. I can't help it... I feel so weak in matters like these. However, there are times when he's just so cold... It makes me scared of what I might do and he might just hate me forever or worse, he might runaway from me everytime we come across each other, which SUCKS.
Thank you for tuning into my little tiny shitty problem. Do not PITY me. I repeat, I don't need your sympathy as I reveal my weakness. I just need your pair of eyes, your monitor, your mouse, your feelings and your understanding so keep tuning into my blog =p
You might just experience the shock of your life :D

With Love,
Your Babe
xoxoxoxo <3

Happy Birthday =)

Did I tell you u that looked extra "handsome" on your birthday yesterday, mama?




Hahahaha... this was taken right after we sang that "happy birthday" song (considering we did that multiple times observing the different crowd coming in everytime) really loudly in the restaurant inside I dunno what name it was =.= seriously, I forgot. please excuse me. Look at his face!!! hahahaha so red... XD


This should be a much better picture ~




Haha, there. =D Looks much more like the birthday boy. LOOKS BETTER, ACTUALLY, CONSIDERING THAT I WAS THE ONE TAKING THE PICTURES, have skill ok? hohohohoo...
We had so much fun yesterday, wasn't expecting to bump into Joy that afternoon as well...
Tremendous bundle of happiness I felt, because right after we paid the bill for the meal we had and as I stepped out of the restaurant, faintly I heard somebody calling my name.
Turned around and shrieked like I've never shrieked before hahahahaaaa.. Joy standing there and starring opposite of me into my direction and yes, there you have it, the misses, hugs and kisses exploded momentarily. I miss Joy =) What a coincidence to see her around Sungai Wang (at that same place, date and time). Miss ya biatch =P

So anyways, lets not shine all the light down onto Joy, let's continue with more fun fun fun~!
As I was saying, it was a celebration day for my dear friend/mama/fuckface Jason, and boy did we take lotsa pictures. Of course am not going to be posting all of them here, will only pick and show portions of the more interesting looking ones XD So, enjoy~



While waiting for the KTM and yes, we still had time to be vain LOL [from left - me, Meimei (my nv er, Wenni auntie)] The boys had fun too but I simply deny the liberty of posting up their pictures =P


Me and Jodie NehBu in that restaurant =)


The three of us [from left - Jodie NehBu, me and Meimei]


The three of them sitting opposite of us [from left - Wenni auntie, Jason mama, Edan papa =.=]


The COW and Mosquito story HAHAHAHAHAAAA... for those of u clueless bunch of goons, I need not to explain what that means because I don;t feel like it LOL...


Foursome hehehe... abit dark but it's that piece of memory that counts =) [from left - Jodie, me, Meimei, Wenni]


The two ugly gugubirds =.= Jason and Edan. Enough said. hahahahaa


Couple picture. Feel free to misunderstand. Here, I shall post some more so that ALL OF YOU will admit that we're perfect for each other HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA


Kiss kiss muacks muacks... So, what's your feel now? Still thinking? Ok, I shall upload some more =D


What about now? Sweet lehhhhh... Still no feel??? What are you?! A robot?!... =.= Fine.. I've got lots more.


Can you feel the "love" now??? You're officially an idiot. Want some more?! lets continue then =D


HAH! EAT THAT! Aren't we just so perfect for each other? XD admit admit!


We've just finished making love (thats why its so dark)


Me and him.








HAHAHAHAHA GOTCHA!
Truth is, we're just good friends. =) What can I say? Love makes the world go round, friends love each other as well. I love them all... and hell yeah, I love and miss Nicole much...


Love you babe... Forever and ever, SITC HUAT ARHHHHHHHH!!!!! hehe xoxo muackssss
You're the one who understands, wake me up when I need a direction and make me realize myself better. Like now... hehehe thanks...
NICOLE + SARAH = DAMN INDEPENDENT GIRLS

With Love, signing off,
Your babe
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo <3

My Love.

You must be wondering what my title meant...
The truth is...
I decided to come clean...
I am deeply madly in love...
With...



My little pet hamster KiKi...
He's the most adorable thing around me currently. And I love him... He's the cheer in my smile, the strawberry topping on top of my Baskin Robins ice-cream (of course the real one tastes better than him cos he's just made of a ball of fur), the little guy who would sniff around and bite your fingers with no warning or reason. He smells like pine, lavender and wood because of the wood shavings he lives in. Look at those huge sparkling beady eyes XD
Fall in love with him as well... He's got style, Armani would loose to this little guy on the catwalk.





Arggghhhhh me hungry!!! I shall now dig into my bowl of beautiful food... *jik jik jik*





An hour later...
Nothing beats a nice cosy nap after a filling meal... *snores*





I think i ate too much... *sniff sniff*



LOL there you have it... Baby KiKi and his greediness.
P/s: When I decided to keep this little guy i thought he was a "female" because apparently the shop owner mistaken him as one as well. He had no balls then, if you know what i mean ~.~"...


xoxo,
You babe <3~

My All.

Updates, update, updating, updated........
This is my latest post so far. Sorry for not updating as much as i should... Because currently i feel stuck with all the stuff that i've been doing.
News is... I think i'm head over heels for someone i shouldn't have heels over head for, LOL. Good news is he doesn't have a clue. Bad news is he doesn't have a bloody clue. Should i be thankful or should i morn with all the agony that i should be feeling?
Dunno, am totally blank.
Lets not be too corny and emo all over this shall we? haha... my posts were suppose to be interesting and laughable, not morbid >.<
So my college stuff looks pretty fine. My schedule is so far ok and i feel that i can keep up with all the crap anyone or anything throws upon me, the main point is will i have the heart to attend all my classes and complete my whole semester without any flaws, which is highly unlikely pending on the situation and my laziness. hmmm... Looks like this is going to be a very long.... semester.
I should try to forget all these illusions hehe, well i guess i'll stop here for the mo.
Have fun guys =)

xoxo