Matters of the Heart.

Should I be sober or should I contaminate myself with emotions considering the title bestowed upon this post?


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Well anyways....
Let us counter attack the lyrics in Celine Dion and Barbara Streisand's duet single "Tell Him".If you have been following my little story then you do know that I currently have a crush on someone. I know that I may sound a little corny here, but I'm seriously outta my head right now...

LOL like I told Nicole the other day I needed her to slap me so I'd wake up from this nightmare...
Right, then lets continue. And yeah, so I like this guy, but... Am not going to pursue into blabbing out his name because its highly classified as something sacred at this moment. Why? You may ask again. Simply because IF I were to tell, I might jeopardize something critically more important than a Baskin Robins ice-cream with extra strawberry topping, this is THE ultimate secret, I doubt that anybody on the surface could guess.
These few days I've been clueless and tossing and turning around endlessly about this whole situation. My worries of why what when and how, they keep circulating in my brain... The main point is, "should I tell him?"
Which raises the issue of “Yes” or “No”? Of course i did a survey with a couple of my intimate friends including myself regarding this subject whether I should tell or just shut the hell up and all of them said YES to my question. The thing is, they have no idea what I was about to risk and how embarrassing it would feel if I said "Hey, I think I'm falling head over heels for you!" and then his reaction would be "Oh..." *stares at me in disgust* Lame... I just needed him to know... Get it? So I'd feel more comfortable and secured without having to hide away this feeling everytime it tries to leap outta my tiny heart lol...

"Compare & Contrast" (LOL ENG101) Tell Him -

Tell Him - Celine Dion & Barbra Streisand
I'm scared
so afraid to show i care
Will he think me weak?
If I tremble when I speak
What if
There’s another one he’s thinking of, maybe he’s in love
I’d feel like a fool, life can be so cruel
I don’t know what to do

(Firstly, besides the sentence where "life can be so cruel", this part of the song is exactly how I feel. Thank you Celine and Barbra for singing and producing this song. Seriously, am not 100% positive that he's not in like with someone else... Though I can feel the chemistry and all... Maybe I was just being way too "perasan".)

I've been there
With my heart out in my hand
But what you must understand
You can’t let the chance
To love him pass you by

(I strongly shouldn't miss that chance for not letting him know, but... Oh well...)

Touch him With the gentleness you feel inside Your love can’t be denied, the truth will set you free You’ll have what’s meant to be All in time you’ll see
I love him
Of that much i can be sure I don’t think I could endure
If I let him walk away
when I have so much to say

(... Actually haven't even started any relationship to know that if i truly "love" him or the otherwise so let's not jump into conclusions that I "love" this guy eh? LOL. Am just friends with him at the moment =.= but then there are times when just I feel like screaming at him "HEY DAMN IT CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I BLOODY LIKE YOU?! ARE YOU BLIND?!" lol then again I don't wanna come on too strong or too fierce that I'd scare the poor guy off =p)

Tell him
Tell him that the sun and moon rise in his eyes

Reach out to him and whisper
Tender words so soft and sweet
Hold him close to feel his heart beat
Love will be the gift you give yourself

Love is light that surely glows
In the hearts of those who know
It’s a steady flame that grows
Feed the fire with all the passion you can show
Tonight love will assume its place
This memory time cannot erase
Blind faith will lead love where it has to go

(Really? Apart from all that "love" crap in this song, I think it pretty much matches my current dilemma... *sigh* what the hell is wrong with me??)

Ok so we're done with that. I've been having a major headache since the night before and I think I need to rest. But I just couldn't pull myself into getting any because I don't know what to think. I need to wake up. I need to see the sunrise again and I need to constantly remind myself that I am independent. I don't need any guy to upgrade my self esteem. Reality never fails to hit me hard, before I realize it I've just fallen. Too bad nobody can help me pick up those pieces...
This happened many times but never before have I felt so comfortable with a guy, so please do excuse me for pissing the bejesus (quoted from Ms. Mary my ENG200 lecturer) out of you. He seems so different and I like the way he treats me. I can't help it... I feel so weak in matters like these. However, there are times when he's just so cold... It makes me scared of what I might do and he might just hate me forever or worse, he might runaway from me everytime we come across each other, which SUCKS.
Thank you for tuning into my little tiny shitty problem. Do not PITY me. I repeat, I don't need your sympathy as I reveal my weakness. I just need your pair of eyes, your monitor, your mouse, your feelings and your understanding so keep tuning into my blog =p
You might just experience the shock of your life :D

With Love,
Your Babe
xoxoxoxo <3