~ Missing Pages ~

New Year, Old Situation.

2010-01-07T01:51:00.004+08:00

Firstly, let's start by wishing everybody a happy new year and many joys with hope to come forth to this blessed year. OK, that was sincere, but to be realistic, let's just hope nobody seriously injures themselves this year, yeah? :)
Now back to me. 2010 marks the end to my teenage wonders. The splendid happiness of being a something-teen has now officially ended. No longer shall people address me as "Hey you eighteen year old girl" or "So you should be nineteen years old this year, eh?". Because this year in precisely 21 more days, I shall be a 20 year old person, yes, with a "2" in front goddammit! LOL.
Updates! Updates! :D
So I started off the year with some college mates, finally decided to be decent and not get drunk (just cos I can't anymore with some reasons to it) and celebrated the festive mood around The Curve. Feelings were mutual though I can't stop but wonder where was it going? Was I finally getting into the group of hated socialites that linger around college past lecture hours acting like high school geeks? Or was it the finale of my awesome existence where I could party all night long and act like a completely ignorant asshole who gets drunk every night and never stop to wonder about her future? I decided not to repeat that anymore because finally, I passed a semester in college and never will I ever want to screw it all up again. Yes, people, we are witnessing a New Year's resolution right here!
Days pass and time rolling with a pace which I find tough to keep up with. The obvious is that time stops for no man and nobody should take what they have for granted. I've put myself into rehab for the past few months, healing from broken friendships and trying hard to let other people in for a change. I'm still unsure if the way I coped with the situation really helped me. It will always haunt me and create this massive phobia towards other people, which I believe is so unfair to myself just because a couple of idiots think they are better than others and could humiliate and judge you then throw you around like a ragdoll. Sigh... I couldn't bring myself to get over it. Why is it so hard, you may ask? Main point : To make matters worse, some people decided to be in the same territory as I currently am in. What nonsense. You've got your bloody stinking place to be at then why don't you just fucking stick to it? Life would be so much easier without having to puke everytime I see you. God! I need to get rid of this hate! Where is the love??? LOL. Well, eventually I will come to my senses.
A wise man once said "There is no point to get all too pissed whenever somebody gives you a hard time. Because the universe tends to unfold". Ahhh... I enjoy self-therapy lessons =)
For now, I'mma sign out. <3>

With Love,
XoXo.

Coming On Too Fast?

2009-10-26T02:37:00.003+08:00

Boy-girl relationships, regardless of being friends, a part of your family or simply officially in a relationship. Where and when do you know the boundaries? Or is it just as simple as labeling the title like how we all label designer merchandises, Gucci, Prada… etc?
I guess in this kind of situation, we’d all have to magically turn into optimists, though sometimes at some point we do portray ourselves into the lines of being pessimists, it’s simply inevitable.
Last few days I’ve brought myself to one of the unavoidable bonds between my classmates in English class for this semester. Not all of them, but some. In which my right mind do not feel any comfort in being stuck in this sort of situation because I’m a believer in “not-getting-close-to-your-classmates-in-college-because-you-can-do-much-better-than-that” personal theory. The thing is, the whole theory sort of back fired on me after having lunch with them. Apparently some of them do have brains, and they are pretty nice to hang out with, despite age, gender, social status differences. I must admit, it was enjoyable having company since we all have somewhat socialized in class, it was a change for me to have been around them outside of class. Sadly enough though, this all happened on the last day of class for the semester, next week happens to be the finals. Sigh…
I really thought that either way it was hard for any person to accept me the way I am, because only people who understand my movements would be able to get along with me. But there I was proven wrong again, because seeing so, they looked up to my perky self, the way I was so rude yet funny? LOL. It caught me off-guard there but I’m glad to know that I’ve made a few nice friends. At least now every time I walk across the hallways I’d know who to smile at and I’d have some comfort in knowing that college isn’t such a bad place to be, there is civilization here!
Now the main issue troubling my thoughts is that I think I’m caught in between the same rituals of falling head over butterflies for “Versace”. He is completely absolutely totally opposite of my taste in boys. Or should I say another backfire? Boy I must’ve dashed right between the signs without even stopping to look at any because I should’ve been warned about things like this. I completely did not know that despite everything that’s been going on, the slightest possibility of romance would crop itself into my heart right now. Timing sure knows how to take its toll on a person when they are not alert. This is wrong. Out of the lines. It’s unfair for me, for I am so gullible in this situation. I just can’t help it, what have I done to the male species to deserve this? Maybe I’ve rejected too much that I’m now the subject of rejection? Or am I just clueless, always falling into bloody traps? I am thinking of being gay, it just doesn’t feel right to me; I’m too straight (so Nicole says).
The only thing I’m secretly hoping is that I could contain myself from humiliation and take things easy because I’m just too afraid to face it. Yes, we do text each other. And yes, I believe there are occasional flirts. But the flow of the relationship between us is like an uneven chart going up and down, back and forth between friends and something else above friends, which is confusing. And which is my weaker point. I do not wish for him to resent me for coming on too strong, neither do I want to give him the feeling that I don’t give a damn, because I do. I think about it so often these days I think I must be crazy, he’s not even my type!
What are the odds for you to fall for a person who isn’t even on your list? Or worse, far from your list!
Well, I guess it doesn’t matter. Things just happen randomly and soon enough, before I forget to breathe I’d already have forgotten that I ever had feelings for him. Until then, we’ll see how it goes.

I’m done with my long story so thank you for staying tuned. Have a nice day.

With Love,
Xoxo.

Not Getting Close, Just To Avoid The Pain.

2009-09-29T21:52:00.001+08:00

As far as I am concern, or anybody else who might want to be updated, I am helplessly head over heels addicted to the series of Sex In The City. Four women, striving to survive in the vast moving New York city society sharing their deepest, darkest, exotic experiences and secrets about life.

Seeing how Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda handle their everyday complications, obviously every woman could relate to them either one way or the other. It is so typical of how people could share the exact similar situations as projected in the series and looking around, I feel that every woman in on earth might have been through or is going through the period of devastation within their existence. So I believe we all have a universal bond to relate to each other and watching another woman cry you would be self conscious to have the same instincts to feel her pain. I’m not being sexist because men have their issues as well, but I’m specifying on women here just because I am one too. Well, maybe not yet, but I’m getting there…

Parallel to Carrie’s memories on how agonizing and long it took to get over Mr. Big, though deep inside I believe that no matter what it took, the reminiscences of Big still dwells upon her heart and is still aching to be thrown away, I too, find it difficult myself to endure the living past of the deficient remains of my previous circle of friends. A part of me wants to forget, but the other part wants me to fight for what’s right, due to my current degraded social standing. A strong desire inside of me is burning to use violence to handle the matter, like how I’ve always did. Whenever the thoughts plunged into my head, though, why waste my time when nobody else is as concerned about it?

Recently I found out that one of my previous friends lost his long time partner. Did it bother me? Maybe a little. I can’t help it, I’m just the type of person to naturally still care. It feels like hatred vs. concern, good vs. evil, Gucci vs. Prada, feelings that words alone could not explain. But when I think back about the indirect insults which I saw with my own eyes I’d feel wounded right in the middle of the heart.

Here I point out karma. What goes around, comes back around. You know, like how the saying goes and all. I got my karma all worked out so I’m always facing it. It’ll only be a matter of time when the high school drama ends (though we’re all in college), and some people might start to realize what they have done. Repent?... Too late. Damage was already done and forgiveness is a thousand miles away.

I felt all the warm care slide slowly and drained to shrivles out of me, and there was nothing I could do about it. All there was to think about in the next social network is not to get too close to any of them just so that I can avoid further soreness.

However, I feel grateful to still have a life. I realize that many people accept me for my personality, not to be bragging or anything though. I’m satisfied with wherever I am currently and confident with myself because I am what I am, why change? If I did, wouldn’t I just be the same like everybody else? Now that’s something to think about.

Signing off,

xoxo.

A New Shine.

2009-09-28T20:34:00.003+08:00

So I sat outside my rented home’s porch while having so many ideas about writing and describing my 19 year old life, while smoking a cigarette which I left half way because desperately enough, I needed to express these thoughts onto something. Just something to share with.

Thoughts about so many things like life, friends, family and relationships clogging through my mind and just then I realize, no matter how jumbled up these new ideas I have, I’d like to shape them into something more useful. As in a guideline, or like a mirror which others might have gotten into the same situation of which I have. Because the truth is, everybody needs a confirmation in everything they do. Something simple like “I think this guy is the right one for me to get into a relationship with, what do you think?” or “I know that my partner and I just couldn’t get along, but I love him, so what should I do?” We all have our own answers and solutions to the problem, but most of us just needed a confirmation regarding of what we think. And sadly enough, after all the advice and opinions you get surrounding you, you’d most probably stick to your own as from the start of the question.

We all need some attention in life, some value to ourselves and a hint of self concious when it comes to making decisions.

Frankly I might add, being a teenager is so much more complicated. I see things and meet people who are new to me, and then when it comes to handling a simple situation like complications in a friendship, I’ll be stoned. Slower, in response and gullible towards true human nature. To most adults who have done it, been through it and over it, these situations seem nothing compared to the world they have lived and still living today. So I am here to experiment and learn most of the important things we need to hold onto in life, in order to succeed in living to the fullest, with no regrets and become skilled at how to handle challenges accompanied by pure strength. There is nothing that I regret doing or seeing so far because it only taught me how to be as cunning as life.

And to people who look differently upon me, perhaps you’ve never really known what the truth looks like. And to you who are judging, be sure to remember that it is you who will be judged when this life ends.

P/s: Since you were such a dick, you should’ve told me earlier that you were instead of getting me into this bloody mess.

With Love,

xoxo.

Everybody Needs.

2009-05-24T03:59:00.003+08:00

It's been such a long long time since I've typed in entries into this blog. It feels like it's growing webs in here. Months and months have gone by, many things have happened and too many complicated feelings existed in between these passing months. Sad to say, I'm not studying in Taylor's anymore. Neither am I smoking half a pack a day anymore, cos I'm doin at least a full pack now LOL.
Bite my tongue cos I don't know where to start from myself. It's like a pit hole filled with burning flames and I'm falling right into it, and I gotta save myself from it all myself. =.=
It's also like never ending blow of fists punching my face again and again and again and I dunno how long I can take it. My poor babes have so many problems and I feel like we're all drowning inside this massive fireball where everybody needs shelter and comfort. Of course, the better of us which do not have serious cases would intend to provide shelter and comfort to the ones who are in major shit. I guess I consider myself fortunate because although I know I'm in major shit, I do not regard myself as being in major shit because I've got strong self control. In the eyes of people, I may seem to be fine and I'd try not to get people involved into whatever shit I'm having. Cos I know I caused the whole mess myself and I need to clean it up myself, but I seriously doubt anybody would rescue me if I died. Everybody needs help. I know I do. I support my friends and I know I'd be there whenever anybody needs me. I'd get myself in trouble because I wanna help people but when I need somebody to at least care I couldn't find any.
Could somebody tell me why?
Maybe it's my problem things are so fucked. But I dunno why I'm typing this, maybe I'm just fucking crazy. Oh well... Tomorrow's a better day.
Please let me die.

Echo.

2009-03-11T18:27:00.003+08:00

I close my eyes,
Let the whole thing pass me by,
There is no time to waste asking why.

I'll runaway with you by my side,
I'll runaway with you by my side.

I need to let go of this pride.

I think about your face,
And how I fell into your lies.
The circle that I traced around the one that I call mine,
Well the time we called for some space,
Unclear where you drew the line.

I don't need to solve this case,
And I don't need to look behind.

But it still echos in my mind...

Do you expect me to change the past I hold inside?
With all the words you say repeating in my mind.
Well there are some things you can't erase,
No matter how hard you try.
An exit to escape is all there's left to find.

So I close my eyes,
Let the whole thing pass me by.
There is no time to waste asking why...
But I'll runaway with you by my side,
I'll runaway with you by my side...

I need to let go of this pride.
Until this echo in my mind.
Until this echo can forever subside.

xoxo.

Forest Gump.

2009-03-05T20:18:00.006+08:00

It's been awhile since I've been emotionally touched by a movie I'd randomly see. Have you ever heard of a movie by Tom Hanks with the title of this post?

Forest Gump. A beautiful, unique piece of work; such fine actors and actresses accompanied by a spectacular storyline, amazed and touched every inch of my soul. It did, by the way, sent shivers down my spine. I wish I was more like Forest, innocent and never strays away too far from what he's supposed to think. Then I realized that no matter how much you've gained in life, though on the surface you'd portray happiness, deep down in your little tiny heart you're never satisfied. Humans - we're never satisfied with what we have. It's just the way we are.

If someone wasn't selfish enough, nobody would be labelled as "too poor". If someone could've just gave something, they wouldn't even have to come up with the word "war". If somebody could've lent a helping hand, then nobody would be feeling a little "lost"...

I couldn't see the outline of my life. I've got big dreams but nothing to reach them, yet. Because I'm such a liar that I feel scared to believe that I could do it. What if everything I've ever wanted to do just turned out as a big fat lie to myself? What if I was thrown out by my own dreams and fell into some place where nobody could save me and not even myself?

I hope things would turn out as they should, and I hope the world will always spin around in a circle. Cos if it would spin in complicated ways and turned all topsy turvey, I sure don't want to be the first to fall.

If you haven't watched this, please do search for it. I can tell you that it's worth while. Give yourself some brain washing sessions and I do hope things would work out for you.

This man is brilliant. Tom Hanks (Forest Gump, 1994.)

With love,
xoxo.

Should I Still Be Trying?

2009-02-20T20:10:00.003+08:00

Being in ADP for 3 semesters since last year is not exactly something I couldn't handle. I admit, I fucked up all my semesters, nearly including the one I'm currently in. However, I've disciplined myself not to skip ANY classes (sorry Mr. Izwan, perhaps skipping a few classes of Islamic Studies is inevitable for me, I've always hated this bloody subject since high school) and obeyed with my parents' advice.

Today I was a few minutes late for my CHEM101 class. The moment I stepped into the 12th floor hallway I realized that if I were to knock on the classroom door and attend the class then getting a spicy scolding from Ms. Bessie would be a fucked up way to start my day.
At this point, being the fucked up person as I already am (takes time to change, OK?), would rather choose to ignore the consequences that I might never be accepted back into college if I failed this sem again.

I mean seriously though, can't a girl just chill? Plus I was sitting at the nearest cafe doing some
Psychology revision cos I was going to have a test about it later on. I thought I did pretty well for the test and I'm feeling good about it. All thanks to the time I had during the whole CHEM101 period. Right now I know what you must be thinking.

"Fuck la Sarah, you should've attended the class even though you were late and you should've studied for the test earlier la. You stupid idiot!"

WELL FUCK YOU. =P

The best part of the story is that I'm sitting in the library right now typing this new post because I am pissed. Pissed at what? You must be asking.

Well, my dear friends, I am pissed at the attendence marks given to me for Chemistry classes. Fucking retarded piece of crap I've got 3 missed lessons posted up on the school's website when I've only skipped like 1 class? Hell yeah I get my ass up for classes every freaking day and yet some people percieve me to be transparent? Can't they see me sitting in class everyday?? FUCK ADP. Lies! ALL LIES!!! I ATTENDED ALL MY CLASSES BITCH!

Well I'm getting this all sorted out when class resumes next week. Why the hell does this happen during a weekend eve? Am I not trying hard enough? Well I know I haven't but I'm not as fucked up as I look or act OK????????? Geez... This is giving me a heart attack. Where is liberty when you need it?

Not giving any love today.
Bye~ <3

Brave.

2009-02-11T20:32:00.003+08:00

I've never expected sympathy,
I've never learned to lean on nobody,
Yet lately it feels so differently,
Obviously everybody needs somebody.

When you don't know who to trust,
Rely too much on your lust,
You realize you need help,
You don't want to but desperately, it's a must,
Without it your world turns to dust.

I reached out for the final cry for help,
It's disappointing when all you get is a slap,
But you tell yourself, "Hey stupid, don't you cry!",
Just stand back up and never say goodbye.

The true confession is that we're pathetic,
We convince ourselves that miraculously there'll be magic,
Then chill around and try to forget it.

So everyday I force myself to face the day,
Deep down I know we all feel the same,
Though the journey would sometimes sway us away,
I know for sure I could be brave.

Xoxoxo. <3

Lately.

2009-02-09T03:09:00.012+08:00

It's been a whole damn month since I've updated. My apologies, fellow mates. The ship I've been boarding sank halfway through the journey across South China sea. LOL.
27th January - the day I was born. 24th January - the night my dearest friend Nicole and I traveled upwards Penang, my father's hometown to celebrate CNY.
We hitched a ride with my aunt and yes the journey was very tiring... I nearly lost my mind when there wasn't even a second I could take to steal a bloody smoke. I felt like a retarded Llama.
After 6 agonizing hours, we got off Juru toll where my cousin picked us up. It's been like.. seriously a year since I saw my dad's family so it was sort of awkward when we got off my aunt's car and hugging with those people. Like duh... social social ok?
It was so fun back in Penang. Undeniably, I felt the happiest there. With my poor cousin YK being my very own "Ahmad" =P and giving me a beautiful butterfly pendant for my birthday present. Thank you, gor, muackssss love you so much <3. face="times new roman">

Fishes swimming under the sea. LOL

The whole bunch of Patrick Nicole bought during our trip all around Penang. DAMN PATRICKS. We actually went hunting around for them =.= My legs still feel shaky due to excessive walking. LOL.

WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.... Don't you feel like you could drown in them??? Fuck.

Gor Gor was our first victimized "model" for some of the Patricks we bought. HAHA! Gor you look so cute with that thing there =P

Vain people take vain pictures. Taken the night just before our departure back to KL.

And so, the holiday in Penang ended just like that. I'd love to remember the experience always. Can't wait to get my ass back there in March =) I've got like a 3 day holiday and I'm grabbing that chance. Wait for me!!!

Gor gor missed me and Nicole so much that after 2 days of returning back to KL he called me up to tell me that he's coming down to KL with his friends. zzz. I was shocked yet touched. Happy to have him around and I think I havent had a decent nap for 1 week. Last couple of days after Nicole left did I have sufficient rest. I must say I'ma miss my babe. Love you lots. Hope time will come when we could really experience LIFE together. New York, babehhh... Don't get pregnant too early arh =.= Fucking cucuk you with kayu balak then you know. LOL

So most of the stuff I wanted to say, have been said. Thank you for visiting my rusty blog. =)
PENANG PENANG PENANG FEVER!!!!!!!!!

xoxoxo,
With Love,
Your Babe. <3

2009.

2009-01-06T14:31:00.000+08:00

So... It's a new year, right? I know I was supposed to blog about this last week and avoid not updating but many stuff have caught my attention. For instance, people keep questioning my new year's resolution. Seems like an important thing to do ( to have a resolution). But in my mind, all I can think of was to straighten out my education and the ever so bad relationship I'm having with my parents now because I brought a huge pile of shit "home" with me from Kuala Lumpur. Fuck right?

Anyhooo, I guess we all have different aims and directions we wanna move forward to, since it's a new year, everybody wants to start over being something new and being satisfied with this thing called "life" once more eh? Count me in, for I've been an asshole eversince high school and spank me as hard as you might but I think this is gonna take time for me to get used to the idea of being an obedient daughter as well as an acing student. Please slap me, I've grown a little mature in the head! Aaaaaaaaaaaaa!............................. =.=

So the new year's was celebrated here, in Sunway with Wenni, Jason and Meimei, while the rest went missing LOL. It was fun and I had time to recollect the fun part of it, at the stroke of midnight people were sparying each other with party sprays and what not, it was obscenely fun. It's amazing how we all get to socialize in this circle of community and have fun despite being strangers to one another. Whatever it was, it was really fun. The crowd was awesome and despite past unlucky events, I believe I could make the best out of 2009. This time, I'd need to wake up and get myself good grades =) Pray for me and pray for yourselves, please. We all need hope and luck as much as we can get.

Things I need to complete before the end of 2009:

1. Upgrade my CGPA to at least an average B.
2. Learn how to control my money spending (I don't just spend money, I flush them down the toilet =.=)
3. Appreciate my family. Cos it gets fucked up everytime I go back to visit them.
4. Loose 10 pounds. (Fingers crossed!)
5. Find that someone... XD You knwo what I mean (Fingers crossed in complicated gestures and in all directions cos I hope it's Jesse McCartney HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA)

Well... I guess I consider myself well off. I'm glad that I'm still breathing though there are times when I wanna drown myself or bang my head on the wall and die. The truth is, let's face it, we're all in the same boat so let's just keep our heads up, chill and screw the hell out of this life since we're being screwed by it! =D But whenever the going gets tough, don't forget to breathe, at the same time appreciate every breath you take. Life's too short and many things are out there to be discovered, man.

With Love,
xoxoxoxo Your Babe. <3

The Next Flight "Home".

2008-12-30T11:17:00.000+08:00

I've got 2 homes, currently. The one that I'm in right now is not a comfortable place for me to be in, considering I brought a pile of shitty results home for my dad. My parents are now mentally torturing me by ignoring me and occasionally taking out their anger on me by pissing the hell out of me most of the time. It really bloody hurts but oh-so-help me I'm still breathing ain't I? sigh.

Tonight I shall depart from this place though I have to admit I'd miss it alot. Especially, my idiotic friends. I must say, I've never thought about how much people actually care about individuals though they're not really close in terms of friendship. Last night I believe I gained another good friend. I've always thought of the guy as an asshole who prefers to disturb and make jokes out of girls especially me. But... He was a close friend of Nicole's so... whatever, eh? LOL. And, above all, HE COOKS. Like, seriously, the guy's a chef, man! I bet he's still struggling to find his one true talent and learning how to master it. Well, good luck pal =) I totally forgot to thank him for the late night dinner. >>>> Thank you, monkey! ;P

My Nicole. This stupiak only knows how to be a fish. Her one true talent.

Hey... Ouch... MY EYES!!!! =.=

We were Malay girls on special occasions and weirdly retarded Chinese people on normal days?? I seriously do not know what's happening here =.=

Woohoooo..... Look who I bumped into here! Joy!!!! My biatch =P hehehe

My Kimmie!!! Babe, don't be shy, please show us your camel face hahahahahaa..

The birthday girl, Jill! LOL. Now that she's 21 AND TOTALLY LEGAL, perhaps it's time SHE brought us to a journey in a club, eh? XD

Look!!! I gained another baby!!! Hahaha the little cute "cat thing", also a new addition in Jill's home. Do not be fooled by this picture, he bites. No, seriously... He does.

There's more but I'm too lazy to post anymore up hehe. I'm gonna miss this place. Looking forward to see Nicole again next year in January, she's coming down to KL for a visit and hell yeah! We'll be having some serious fun. But of course, there's that academic thing I need to complete and get my track back on. Pray for me, will ya? =) Thanks.

With Love,
Your Babe. <3

A Flight Back Home.

2008-12-22T09:31:00.000+08:00

Running from every situation. That’s what I’ve been doing these past few weeks. I dreaded the day my academic results would finally arrive because then I’d have to say bye bye to freedom and joy, hello to grounded for life. This is awfully pathetic and I’m bearing with this until the day I’d step my feet onto Kuala Lumpur grounds again.

Never have I wished so hard that time would pass on as quick as it can so that I could at last leave this stupid place. I’ve been counting on the clock each day as if I’m catching an invisible fly throughout a rapid growing time line, it’s like I’m using a time machine and chasing each second desperately. Too bad though, my poor dear old godsis Nicole would miss me a lot (LOL). I cant’s help it, you know? I feel like I’m in prison already just staying home and look like a decoration statue here. What are my activities again? Eat, sleep, watch television (the rather amusing curricular of course), (here comes the ugly part) do the laundry, iron the clothes, basically house chores and make sure my brother doesn’t die of hunger due to playing too much computer that he forgets to eat.

In other words, I’m starting to miss my crazy loveable buddies back there.

Wenni auntie: Bubu, your whole life is seen as a big joke, and you would definitely put a sun into gloomy days. Whenever you get angry, your face looks like a puffer fish with rabbit teeth, but believe me, you have the most distinguished personality in the whole of our band of “Lapsap Taylor’s Gang” of friends. Muacksss… I miss you. T.T Can’t wait to get back there and hang out like how we always used to.

Feon MeiMei: BuNeh, you are the cutest little thing ever. Sometimes when you ask stupid questions, I feel like feeding you with a slipper than milk. My sweet little daughter, my caring and beautiful friend. Don’t get raped please (choi choi choi) cos you’re really cute. If anyone woulda dare to bully you… We will send Wenni (with no make up) to scare him/her. If that doesn’t work then always remember, I’ll be there. =)

Jodie SotSot: NehBu, you took care of my babies bibi and kiki, I feel all grateful towards your help and kindness. Truly, you are a person any friend could count on. You care and never fail to share your gossip with us. And from what I heard, you are the president of the gossip gang? LOL. I have to admit that’s seriously funny, man. Have fun in Japan and don’t forget our souvenirs!!! (hohohohohohoooo~)

Jason Mama: I miss your lapsap loud voice. Yerrr.. er xin =.= Later you think I’m confessing to you?? Sei mama, don’t you miss me?? >.< la ="P">

Edan Papa: No matter how lapsap and “niang niang qiang” you are, you will always be lapsap and niang niang qiang egg egg. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA… Seeing you sad and down is like a pain in my ass. And so you have earned your title as the “Emo King”. Cheer up, man, stuff happens, nobody could avoid bad things from happening and we all go through the same pain, perhaps in different situations, asshole. =) Muacksss.

And so concludes the love letters to the bunch of people. I must say, when I was there, I felt desperate to get back here. But now that I’m here, I seriously feel like getting my ass back there. This is… extremely retarded. There goes my life in Miri.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh JUST SHOOT ME!

xoxoxo

With Lotsa' Love (since I don't got many here),

Your Babe <3.

Letter To The Chairman of Morons.

2008-11-28T01:12:00.000+08:00

Dear Mr. Stupid,

Hi. I just looked through some stuff in the net and came across pictures of you. Suddenly I’d recall about how much I used to like you. It’s as though the feeling’s rushing back into my veins.

However, as you and I both know how fragile the current situation is, there’s nothing left for me to say. Instead, I could only silently watch and observe whatever that’s happening. Sadly enough though because the only way to let this slip away for me is by typing this awfully lame piece for my own satisfaction. LOL.

You must think I am an idiot. Or a person who is mentally incapacitated. For sure, I am. Everybody is. Even you now, you who are reading this post I wrote just because you’re a bloody busy-body with no life =). Haha to you, lamer. But since you’re here, let’s continue now, shall we? ^^

Anyways… My dearest Mr. Stupid, stop being such a fucking gully go happy charmer. It’s bad for your being, health, reputation and most of all, bad for all the girls and boys. It’s hard not to fall for a charmer. Somebody could end up being hurt. Or worse, hearts can break into uncountable pieces. Who is there to blame for? People will start blaming themselves for the feelings they hold. Some might even resort to suicide because they can’t cope with stuff that’s been going on. Well mostly idiots do that. Idiots who happen to put their brains somewhere near their assholes, then end up shitting all their intellectuals out just cos they fell in “L.O.V.E.” and dunno how to deal with it. Those people, I might add, are seriously fucking stupid. They do not deserve a life. So what? Everybody’s got problems. We’re facing shit everyday and we’re considered fortunate enough to have 3 or more meals a day. Some people just don’t appreciate this basic necessity in life. What are we here for? To be a victim of how we feel? We all feel we sacrifice a lot and think we’re high and mighty than the rest when the truth is we’re all amateurs. Do you deserve a medal? Cos you’ve sacrificed your feelings for something that’s not even worth a shit? Well congratulations, here’s your token of golden shinny medal with lot’sa middle fingers pointing at you. The real world, baby, nothing is as easy as it seems. You turn around, everything is phony. You’re surrounded by hypocrites and lies that you can practically read from the palm of your hand. But then you play along, pretending to be just another idiot and continue with the game. Because you’re either lazy or scared to confront knowing that the chances of winning for you is like having George W. Bush as the president of the United States again.

So it all falls back to consciousness. Are you awake? Have you woken up from that small small lousy self of yours? Are you guilt-free now, knowing that there might be a few number of idiots just wasting their time and lives away just cos they have feelings for you? I for one know that I am. I’m currently wasting my time here, typing all this bullshit out when I could be doin something better with my life like studying since the finals are coming up, or I could just waste all this time doing some good deed like shit in my pants or something. Do you see how irrelevant you are? You’re nothing but a sick, pathetic little nut-head and the earth happens to hate you.

Now, now, don’t cry. Don’t hate me. Despise me, pretty please. Cos I know all about the mind games you’re trying to pull. You, you, you and YOU. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA (evil hysteric laugh).

I shall have your meat sliced into thin layers of bacon, your bones decorated in my living room, your head as my personal punching bag, your skin sewed into a fine wallet and your blood as garnish for wine in a fancy dinner party I shall throw in the near future. HELL YEAH!

With lot’sa hugs before you rot in hell and die with a thousand agony,
Xoxoxo
Me the sexy babe <3.

Tagged... by Eeeeeeva =.=

2008-11-26T14:53:00.000+08:00

Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse.These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.
I was tagged by Eeeeeeeeva aka the only female robot (Wall-E's girlfriend) I know in ADP so far. I tagged Nicole, Dang, SON SHELLA, twinneh Karlynn =P and Wenni (lol the crazy sakkais)...

1st : What's your name?
Sarah.

2nd : How old are you?
18 and smokin hot hohohooo =D

3rd : What are three electronics you can't live without?
My cellphone, Notebook and Air-cond.

4th : Are you amazing?
WTF? HELL YEAH.

5th : What is the brand of the phone you are using?
Samsung.

6th : What colour is your phone?
Silverish blue? lol. Not a favourite but =) I'd love my phone even if it dropped into a toilet bowl full of pee (litterally).

7th : Have you slept in school before?
Yes. But the kids were damn noisy so i force slept myself. =.=

8th : How long are you online in one day?
No idea never kept track of that.

9th : How would you describe yourself?
... Not to self-boost or anything but I can be a bitch most of the time haha.. So bear with me =) I do not try to be sexy cos its just the way I am. WE'RE ALL HOTTTT N SMOKINNN LADIESSSSSS XD
10th : What's your favourite topic to talk about?
SITC if ya know what I mean ;) Nicole, I know you do haha...

11th : Which teacher do you like?
MISS CHEW!!! MRS. SINGH!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHH

12th : Who do you think is the most handsome in your class?
Arh? Got leng zai meh? Never notice...

13th : Who are you currently aiming on?
Chris Brown, Jesse McCartney and any other hot guy which passes my way.

14th : Do you know a lot of your sibling's secrets?
Yes. My brother has a girlfriend =P And he's only 14 =.=

15th : How do you rate your sibling?
Lapsap.

16th : Is your sibling gorgeous?darn gorgeous!

17th : Do you judge people?
I guess...

18th : Do you run?
Run? Run from what?

19th : Are you lazy to tag people?
YES. EXTREMELY.

20th : Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
My CSCI101 Bussiness Presentation group member.

21st : What's 2 + 2?
=.= 4 la..

22nd : Who's your idol?
Britney Spears, Ashlee Simpson, Paris Hilton and Carrie Underwood...?

23rd : Are you a monster?
Yes.

24th : Do you play with Barbie dolls?
Yes, I used to love Barbie dolls.

25th : What was the last movie you watched?
Madagascar II Escape to Africa.

26th : What do you think about your English?
Fluently retarded.

27th : What do you think about your Bahasa Malaysia?
Cacat macam orang gila.

28th : Who do you hate?
Ji bai po.

29th : Do you love yourself?
Yes.

30th : Blurt out 5 random words.
blah, nehneh, bubu, fuck, LOL.

THIS WAS SO LAME =.= ... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I Am Pathetic.

2008-11-25T13:53:00.000+08:00

Amazingly, I caught myself once more in a shallow fucked up situation. I didn't know what was more pathetic. The fact that I cried in major public; my crazy hormones flying all over the place which in turn made me feel so frustrated with everything around me; the finals and how I'm still so raw about what's happening and how I'm gonna pass it; or the fact that someone wanted to borrow me money because of how pathetic my bloody pathetic situation is and further more enhance my pathetic-ness.
Figures... How I could feel so much when all that happened was merely a "dispute" in my ATM card. But of course, because of that, I'm b.r.o.k.e. with maybe less than 50cents in my pursue. Yippie...! I'm the happiest young lady in the world, I could just feel my heart tingling with joy and clenched fists.
Suddenly something hit me painfully hard in the heart. I missed my daddy. I missed my mummy. I have been depending on them so much financially eversince I've been living alone. So far I haven't done any shit to repay their deeds. What frustration meant to them? And what it means to me? There's a big gap right there. The thing is, my daddy have been constantly teaching me about this thing called life. Through his emotions, cognitive and most importantly, his most valuable - experiences. Whatever my parents have been through, I salut. I'd never understand the exact same confusions, but I'd know for sure that I can distinguish them through mummy's and daddy's eyes.
I love you, Daddy.
I love you, Mummy.
I shall cherish this life. For better or for worse, for everything that I have felt, am feeling or will be feeling in future, for all the little things that would alter my emotions, for any other things that would change my life. For now, for always, for as long as I remember the legacy of you, my mother and father, who have brought me into this world. Beautiful, talented, strong both physically and mentally, challenging, prepared, confident and still learning all in my own way. There are yet so many things for me to observe and relate to in this world, for it is too big. Mayhap I might feel a little lost at times (or most of the time), yet I long for success, for a future as someone who could contribute not just to myself, but to you; to make a small difference in this world; it doesn't matter, as long as I could reach that tiny step, I would die a happy woman in my later years.

With Love and still growing up,
Your Babe <3.

Not A Boy, But A Real Man.

2008-11-19T08:07:00.000+08:00

Being in college has its advantages and disadvantages. One of the many things you'd be hanging around with are boys. They're everywhere. So to say that it's a damn college, and cos you're 18, they're only filled with growing-up-just-starting-to-mature pure, plain and simple boys.
Don't get me wrong, boys can be fun; but a man...
A man gives you that sense of security, the feel of a perfect lover who's always there to take care of things, that one strong figure whom you could hide yourself in his arms with. Most importantly, a mature way of thinking and perspective on matters of everything. Personally I liked the secure part. *wink*
It's been a while since I've gotten myself engaged with any form of relationship with a real man. Recently, I've met this 27 year old man, and I became involved. The main point is, he's not Malaysian, ;) He's an Arabian. Which is good since I've been getting a tripe out of all the many asian guys surrounding me. It's time to get some romance from another different kind of lover. There always is a difference, they can be very different in bed and I mean it *ehemm*
Hopefully it would be something significant. Even if it was only 1 moment of it, I can tell you this - it was bloody well worth it. Immersing myself with him made me feel all the more reason to strive for what I hope to get in life. I'd be fine even he'd never call me again though fingers crossed, cos it was something refreshing and I guess I'd stay to remember it. Nicole babe, I got my vitamin XD
If you've watched Samantha Jones in Sex In The City and Carrie Bradshaw these 2 inseparable best friends on screen, then somehow that friendship and future carrier is what most me and my bestest girl friend Nicole share incommon. But of course, let's skip out their sex life cos thats a little way over the line =)
We're all still searching.
Yet what I found in this new man, a rebirth of culture, meaning and spirit is the theme I think I should be presenting with this post. After all, he wasn't a boy, but a real, strong man.

With Love,
xoxoxoxoxoooo
Your Babe <3.

The Absence Of Innocence.

2008-11-14T22:13:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered about those days when you could stare into a candy shop and look all innocent and cute? Felt good when you were little and your mummy or daddy would buy you that piece of candy you desire so much that you'd cry for, did it?
I lost that innocence 8 years ago, roughly.
Now, there's just too many stuff to be worrying about and I can't help to get my head up straight again. *sigh*
FINALS ARE COMING UP. *bangs wall*
I should just say bye bye to adp... I'm a little down cos my previous exams sucked ass. I'm officially screwed. Very screwed. Helpppppppppppppppppppppp...........................
I need a hero...........................................................

Because I am...

LOL.

Sobs,
Your Babe... T.T

Retarded In My Own Way.

2008-11-11T18:22:00.000+08:00

It's not that I'm trying to degrade myself or make my situation seem worse than anyone else's.
It's just that I'm merely not doing simple shit about my life, about how I could improve it, despite my lazy-bone-syndrome. Yes, I feel retarded.

But oh-so-help-me if I could change this weird disorder I diagnosed myself with. I feel like a sea biscuit, randomly. Anyhoo, days to finals are closing in on me and fellow ADP-ians. Good luck, people! Having to say this, I can't wait to get my ass back to Miri ASAP. *sigh*
Wonder what's in store for me after this sem. Could I be zombie-like failing again? Or god bless and I'd have great grades? LOL. I guess I don't really deserve it. I know I'm getting a little too comfy with my environment now, I feel like a typical daddy's girl =P and loving every moment of it! XD
Deep down inside I trust myself to indulge into this comfiness as long as it lasts. Because I know, some day I'm going to have to face reality and endure way too much pressure on this thing called "life" then perhaps get infected with some freaky prognostic.

Did I mention that about last week I dropped my phone into a piss-filled toilet bowl? Eww. It was sad for awhile then. But with all my might I fought through the sadness and regained joy with a strong heart!!! Hohohohoo... Wenni, stop laughing at my misery =.= It was an accident and I don't believe you wouldn't feel any less depressed if YOUR dearest cellphone was in the same situation as my beloved cellphone!!! Grrrr... >.<>

And so... Let us all pray for a better day.

*NOT*! Hahahahaaa..

Let's rephrase that. We should all GAMBATAE! Everything is possible, nothing to it. ^^V!

Muackssss xoxoxo
With lots'a loveeee <3>

My Reasons.

2008-10-25T22:33:00.000+08:00

Everything happens for a reason.
Dunno where I heard about this before.
But it would make sense everytime something weird did happen so I'm guessing the person who came up with this "theory" should be damn famous cos such a simple sentence meant a hell lot of bullshit. I meant that in a good way. But of course somebody once questioned me "Why is there a need for anything to be either GOOD or BAD?"
Well fuck, how'd I know? Usually people would judge me and the stuff I did with either a "good" or a "bad" so how was I supposed to know?
Thats what I learned to do, judge with these 2 choices.

That's it. Thank you for tuning in.
Don't gag on your way out.
If you did, congratulations and have a splendid life.
If you didn't then
Fuck you. _l_
I'm just being random.

xoxo
With Love,
Babe <3.

Blank.

2008-10-24T18:28:00.000+08:00

After continuously staring into the computer screen, I thought perhaps it's time to put up some random post just to give this blog a bloody update.
There were many confessions and dirty little secrets revealed to me this week. Not necessarily bad, not necessarily good; not that of what I wanted to know, not what I didn't want to know.
They were things that would make you feel a little burnt whenever the sun was shining a little too strong and you were standing right underneath it.
I didn't know what to think, I felt shaky whenever it invaded my mind. Probably trying to digest it all at once and give it one small acceptance before dismissing it from my brain. So the only thing I thought I could try to help me get over it was to return to increase in consuming my little bad habit again, which was smoking. I was never a fan of doing so but it became an addiction. Sometimes it can make one happy. LOL.

I smile yet feel so empty,
I'm walking straight yet the road ahead is blurry,
I took a chance in this thing called life,
But never thought that it ended up to hurt me,
So I trusted what I felt because there are others in far worse conditions than me.

Why do we never get satisfied with the stuff we've got?
When it's over we usually regret what we're not.
Everybody matures through time,
Then comes relationship and how it could make a person so blind.
Looking back I was the type to runaway,
But the older I grew,
Courage taught me that I should stay.

I tried to shut down the past,
When I was naive and I thought that friendship would last.
She took my hands and told me everything was ok,
But she also turned her back on me,
And let our friendship sway.
I still remembered all the shit we've been through,
When she'd cover up for me for the bad stuff I did,
And I'd laugh cos as a friend I was cruel.

I like it whenever the wind caresses my face,
Cos I'd think of my family and the love they have for me,
And everything'd be ok,
Cos I know they loved me for me and they wouldn't want me to change.

So I wrote it in a short poem,
Hoping that in this way,
I could express my damned troubles away.

xoxo,
Babe.

Pondering... Thinking... Buffering ... 0%

2008-10-14T20:55:00.000+08:00

LOL... Anywaysssss...
Was just wondering what's seriously important to me right now. Cos even though I can think of many stuff that I should take seriously, none of them made me feel like I should bother cos I feel so freakin' lazy right now. Yeah yeah... Its the middle of the semester and I'm still fooling around. Who am I kidding? I'm just afraid that I'd turn out to suck in my studies...
I'm moving out soon. To a house nearer college. Like, seriously near... More like opposite college haha... So I'd be pretty scheduled up soon, with the college urging us to appoint our advisors and scratching our heads off into thinking what subjects should we take next semester. This is silly. I'm so not settled yet. I still feel like a bozo and I think I'm too comfortable with my life that I just don't really care. Gosh I seriously need to wake up >.< Mei mei, Wenni auntie and the cute cute me XD hohohooo (we took this INSIDE the KTM train)

The five white angels cos the 5 of us had matching white outfits that day Heheheee.. BUT JODIE WAS MISSING IN ACTION T.T sad.... sobs.... Miss u babehhhh

Wenni auntie + Me =P

Mei mei + Me =D

Jason mama + Me... Cute lehhhh =P

Edan papa + Me. >>> He look like uncle horh hohohohoo

The 5 of us... So sampat lorh... The whole day we were destroying cameras with our amazing taking picture abilities. *POINTS AT EDAN* he took the most pics =.= My phone is still Edan-infested, too many pics of him zzzz....
Apart from that, everyday felt awesome. fun fun fun fun!!!! The next time, Jodie has to seriously tag along. ~.~

signing off,
with love,
Your babe <3.

Under My Painted Skin?... Or everybody else's?

2008-10-10T21:00:00.000+08:00

I walked out of the cinema feeling as if everything was missing from this thing called "life". Painted Skin the movie was called. An epic love story, about sacrifice and simply just pure pure L.O.V.E.
I felt jealous. I felt green with anger and frustration that it reminded me of how lonely I was. I envied such deep love and I longed to taste it...
Undeniably, no matter how constant I've tried to lie to myself, I wasn't OK at that particular moment because I could feel that there were beads of tears gathering at the corner of my eyes, and seriously tried to blink them off before my fellow friends who were so caught up in discussing about the movie they forgot I was there notice that I was becoming emotional all of a sudden. Yes, yes, typical fakeness but you see, I failed even at that. After a few minutes of walking around the mall, I felt pretty sore. And probably due to not crying for quite some time, I just couldn't stand it any longer. Its as though they had their own minds into poring out of my eyes like some sort of a bloody waterfall...
Finally I simply walked off cos I felt that my presence would ruin the whole point of having fun... Sorry guys, but you guys didn't seem to notice I was there anyways...
Anyways it's that bit of part where I seriously need to rethink. Again, I could feel every jealousy on everyone that has ever had experience with love. Its not that I've never came across it, it's just that the relationships never last long enough for me to actually feel it and know what it is... Some people could adore some other people for years which I think is totally insane cos I dunno what or how that must've felt like. Conclusion is that I feel empty... It's just missing from my life.
I know I have to be open about this because not all is fair in love and war. So people, listen up. If you ever happen to drop by the cinema, check Painted Skin out. It's meaningful if you think deep into it you'd realize that love is not something you come across everyday while getting the groceries. =.=

Painted Skin is based on the same title short story from Liao Zhai Zhi Yi. The story is set in late Yuen Dynasty, at the time when demons and devils roam free. A fairy Shui Mei Ling who killed her lover 100 years ago turned into a demon, and constantly needs the heart and skin of man to maintain her beauty. As her time for reincarnation draws near, her last victim Wang Er Sheng turns out to be a descendant of the lover she killed, while his brother Wang Er Lang (Donnie Yen) is a ghostbusting master who is highly skilled, brave and smart

EXTRA! EXTRA! THIS JUST IN!!!

2008-10-09T15:40:00.001+08:00

YES! gossip and of course, updates! =)

Lately, I let go. *grins*
Finally i did it... And this time I can truly believe it for myself. Like i said before, I ain't confessing nothing neither am I gonna hide it. Same goes for now I think... I couldn't confirm that my feelings for this asshole's completely gone but I can say that I'm not tortured by my own pain anymore and hell yeah I can breathe again. XD

Being around them bunch of goons have never felt so enjoyable before... After the holidays I got myself closer to dear babes Wenni BuBu, Jodie NehBu and Feon mei mei BuNeh hahahahaa...
Looks like we've got more stuff incommon than I thought we had.

One of them in particular, CAM-WHORING. Most of us love it and we intend to whore-out of the lines XD (mei mei wasn't here T.T)

Well, that seals it. Apart from walking on sunshine again, I also happen to be buried in mountains of assignments =.= It just never stops...
Argghhhh!!!........... And I missed Ms. Mary's class today. I think I will die next week. So be it. That's something new to worry about... @.@

With Lovessss <3333
Your babehhhh NehNeh. XD

Is It You?

2008-10-09T15:09:00.000+08:00

And from the holidays, I'm back! =P
Updating what I should update, and what all of you have been waiting for...
Well, Raya was... hmmm.... Interesting =) Although, it was great to have seen many of my cousins around, after a few years of having them all around Malaysia. It just came to me that I am officially a "grown up" in the whole big picture, considering those younger than me also sem to have many duties around my house in kampung. Apparently they asctually do the housework ~.~ (I know, I know, my parents spoil me..) But hey, I did my share of the work while I was there ok? =.= I was practically a living dishwasher during the open house zzzz...
Anyhoooo.......... Here are some of the cute little things the kids and I shared doing.. Of course! Camwhoring! =P hahahaha...

My baby... Isn't she adorable? ^^ bububububuu.. anggugu...

Hey me me!!! I want it! I want it!!!! *LOL*

OK, is this how I should pose? *wink wink* LOL...

Ooohhh.. Ahhhh.... @.@

And then, there's me and my fellow vain cousins. HAHAHAHA the kampung chics XD

United we stand, divided you can kiss our asses =D

Sis, you look retarded =X hohohoo

My other retarded sis... Believe it or not, she's the mother of 2 adorable kids... My nieces XD

Nieces! Heheheee... too cute <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_I-8qQYPxYoY/SO2xSXBz_HI/AAAAAAAAAJQ/YbQNEkFTjOM/s1600-h/%7EPhoto%7E0370.jpg">That's me and my daddy LOL my daddy rocks XD yeah, I'ma daddy's girl =P

Mummy mummy mummy~~~ Wheeee~ we were in sleeping dresses and still hot =P BLEHHH

Me and me bro... LOL he's got pet pet hair! =.=

~THE END~ *BOO!*

Heeheee... Have fun tuning in the more family oriented side of me (i seriously dunno what that means, don't even care) hohohooo...

With Lot'sa Love,
Your Babe <3.

I'm Not Missing You.

2008-09-27T13:39:00.000+08:00

I used to hate seeing myself dragging my two feet wherever I go, miserable about life and dictating when would be the best time to permanently have a mental breakdown.
But I think I've got it all figured out. I did bleed. Or so crave my heart out and let it drip with whatever blood it has left, I realized that I've got so much more to live for. Why was I - hot, young, sexy (=P), full of life and passion, tripping over some asshole I merely have a crush on? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA GOD MUST BE LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY AT MY FOOLISHNESS!!!!!!
LOL. And so, I'll just let it all flow back into place as natural as it can. Will never stop to confess, neither will I even hesitate to answering a bunch of fucked up questions anyone would like to throw into my face. COME ON AND ATTACK ME, PEOPLE!!!! FOR AM NO LONGER A WEAK LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!!!! ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!! HAHAHAHAHA...
Do I sound high? Probably do.. ~.~ I'm not on crack in case you were wondering.... blehhhh
The reason why I pulled my own ass back up was because... of... my dearest... one and only...
Nicole... thank you. I read your blog. And I was very touched...
I know I was totally fucked up a few days before because of that idiot.. And I'm sorry it made you sad as well... I love you girl... Kerry never fails to bring Samantha back up from her "nightmare" =D hehehehe.... I'm backkkkkkk.... ^^V

World, here I come!
With lots'a love and lots'a kisses,
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoo
YOUR BABEHHHHH. <3

I Need To Mourn.

2008-09-26T14:26:00.000+08:00

I need to mourn and hide...
I feel so helpless...
My life is wonderful, I've got no problems... I have everything I want. My parents love me, I've got all the support and in fact, it's more than I'll ever need.
But... I'm empty... I feel like the worst idiot in this whole fucked up world.
How could I've been so blind? I need to mourn, conclusively...
I need to stop breathing. Then tell myself that I shouldn't think about him anymore. Get over it. Off with all that crap. Brain wash me if you have to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to ignore the fact that deep down in my little heart I have crazy jumbled up feelings for him... Leave me alone... Just let me be a human with no feelings... I need to study. I need to get a life. I need to wake up.
Please, let me forget him. It's useless. Am officially 100% positive that he already likes someone else... Although he kept denying it and kept turning away from this topic. As a friend, I would like him to have all the happiness in the world, despite whatever stuff he's been going through.
But as a girl... Especially as a girl who's having this sort of feeling for the first time, I just can't bring myself to accept the fact that I can't be that lucky person he thinks of someone special in that way...
God I hate myself. Posting something as ridiculous as this. But you know what, I don't really care. Even if he did see what I wrote then so be it. Trust me, I'll get over you. Just give me some time and let me give myself a little bit of a slap. I can be the sweetest sugar or the extreme bitterness you can ever taste.
As I'm writing this, I finally realized how stupid I was... and still am...
With all my heart... and any strength left inside of me I'm proudly and sincerely saying this -

To him: Good luck... I'll always be happy for you... Don't regret anything bad cos it's all a part of life. I won't confess anything to you even if you or anybody else asked cos I want to let this secret just die. I want to bury it deeper than six feet under and hope it won't ever come alive again and swallow me up ever... I just want you to know that you're a great guy. Treat a girl right. I know you will. And if you think you're that guy then congratulations, you've won my heart but too bad you can never prove that you did because I ain't telling. And too bad you had to tear it apart not knowing that you did. Anyways since you already have feelings for some random girl then hopefully you know what to do. Have fun with that. Don't sympathize me, I'm not as weak as I sound. I'm truly happy for you......

I hope tomorrow will be a better day... My parents are coming back...
With love,
me.

Gossip =P

2008-09-25T22:30:00.000+08:00

Hey hey =D
LOL hahahahahahaaaa....
In this post, would like to nominate the best couple picture.
And the SECOND PLACE GOES TO~~~~
.
.
...
....
.....
......
.....
....
...
.
.
DANG
DANG
DANG (Dang, darling, not u arh =P)

WENNI AUNTIE AND JASON MAMA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
Why second place arh?
Of course larh!!! Serious shit, wei... COS FIRST PLACE GOES TO NONE OTHER THAN ME AND EDAN LARH!!!! HAHAHAHA so perfect de couple pic, everyone would go crazy and can't accept it larh =P blehhhh see it to believe it!!!

.
.
.
..
...
..
.
.
.

Although he looks retarded and I look constipated, you've gotta admit that we're both photogenic =P
Haiyorrr lazy write too much cos...
Some people might get angry at me...
Sorry lorh... Don't worry, I'll try not to fall for him. Well not too hard, anyways hehe...
This post was written just for fun, cos I felt the need to write and scribble something.

Edan arh, you know that I like to take pics with you right? But... Scared la... Why arh?... Mama whack me lorh... Naughty girl lehh... Hiao you this "LOL" de papa... zzzz free also I bu xi han lorh actually bububububuuuu... =.=

Anyways... I know you need a place to throw all your shit, just remember if you need someone's ear, I can borrow my ear to you. I will diam diam let you talk finish your crap... But then you will owe me more and more Baskin Robins with extra strawberry topping lorh horh... XD hohohohoo... Humans shall never be satisfied with the stuff they have, so to say. Good luck, muacksssssssssss french kiss with Wenni jie's porn tongue movement............................

Message to Jason and Wenni : LOL Bye.

Nicole babe... XD hahahahahaha miss you... And chill girl, many guy out there not just that idiot, when meet dao more better de then dump him bahs.......................... Love you <3>

May I Be My Own Mirror, Pretty Please?

2008-09-23T15:40:00.000+08:00

It is at times like these when we all try to look deep down within to check out the highlighted question of "What's wrong with me?"
Yes, you may wonder this at a probability of 1 out of 4 quarters in your whole miserable life. Maybe I just happen to be narrating this to myself, or maybe you're just paranoid with yourself since you're still reading this whole irrelevant sentence and wasting about 5 to 10 seconds of your life depending on how fast you read. So stop reading. I know you want to switch the tabs and go to a different website. Go on... Go Ahead... Just don't trip on your way out. Don't even need to turn back. Just take a hike. There. Bye.
Now, back to me, myself and I...
LOL... Was just playing with ya =P
Currently, am a little depressed so I'd be posting up lotsa emo stuff... Gonna need all the help I can grab to get over my "cutie"... So thank you darlings for staying beside me and supporting me, leaving touching comments in my posts... Muackssss
Give me some time to completely forget that I ever had feelings for this guy, I need to wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!! *slaps* LOL

xoxo,
Your Babe.
Muacksssss

I Just Want To Pretend.

2008-09-23T01:01:00.000+08:00

If only I could pretend he's mine, hold his hand without a doubt, savior each moment and each smile then cast them all away so I could pretend I was blind.

If only I could pretend he liked me first, then I could get mad at him without having to burst, lust that feeling which I have always thirsted.

If only I could pretend that when he cares so deeply, he meant it with sincerity, and not just making up words to make me happy, for its the main reason why I bleed too quickly.

If only I could believe that for a tiny second his world was dedicated to me and me alone, because i doubt that everytime he sees me, in the corner of his eyes some other people would share that same glory, I want him to be my one and only...

If only I could be hypnotized, then tear my feelings apart, I would give the whole world a shock, for they could never understand how complex it is - this matter of heart.

If only he said what he meant, gave me his security, love me oh so tenderly, I could lay in his arms and breathe, anticipate every precious moment I'd give my all just to get a chance and hide there crying...

If only I could pretend that for this moment he was mine, then everything would fall into place, cos I won't have to pick up the pieces alone... Because after all, I just want to pretend that he's mine... and mine for keeps ~*

xoxoxo,
Your babe...

Matters of the Heart.

2008-09-20T02:54:00.000+08:00

Should I be sober or should I contaminate myself with emotions considering the title bestowed upon this post?

.
.
.
.
.................
.........
....
.........
..................
.
.
.
.

Well anyways....
Let us counter attack the lyrics in Celine Dion and Barbara Streisand's duet single "Tell Him".If you have been following my little story then you do know that I currently have a crush on someone. I know that I may sound a little corny here, but I'm seriously outta my head right now...

LOL like I told Nicole the other day I needed her to slap me so I'd wake up from this nightmare...
Right, then lets continue. And yeah, so I like this guy, but... Am not going to pursue into blabbing out his name because its highly classified as something sacred at this moment. Why? You may ask again. Simply because IF I were to tell, I might jeopardize something critically more important than a Baskin Robins ice-cream with extra strawberry topping, this is THE ultimate secret, I doubt that anybody on the surface could guess.
These few days I've been clueless and tossing and turning around endlessly about this whole situation. My worries of why what when and how, they keep circulating in my brain... The main point is, "should I tell him?"
Which raises the issue of “Yes” or “No”? Of course i did a survey with a couple of my intimate friends including myself regarding this subject whether I should tell or just shut the hell up and all of them said YES to my question. The thing is, they have no idea what I was about to risk and how embarrassing it would feel if I said "Hey, I think I'm falling head over heels for you!" and then his reaction would be "Oh..." *stares at me in disgust* Lame... I just needed him to know... Get it? So I'd feel more comfortable and secured without having to hide away this feeling everytime it tries to leap outta my tiny heart lol...

"Compare & Contrast" (LOL ENG101) Tell Him -

Tell Him - Celine Dion & Barbra Streisand
I'm scared
so afraid to show i care
Will he think me weak?
If I tremble when I speak
What if
There’s another one he’s thinking of, maybe he’s in love
I’d feel like a fool, life can be so cruel
I don’t know what to do

(Firstly, besides the sentence where "life can be so cruel", this part of the song is exactly how I feel. Thank you Celine and Barbra for singing and producing this song. Seriously, am not 100% positive that he's not in like with someone else... Though I can feel the chemistry and all... Maybe I was just being way too "perasan".)

I've been there
With my heart out in my hand
But what you must understand
You can’t let the chance
To love him pass you by

(I strongly shouldn't miss that chance for not letting him know, but... Oh well...)

Touch him With the gentleness you feel inside Your love can’t be denied, the truth will set you free You’ll have what’s meant to be All in time you’ll see
I love him
Of that much i can be sure I don’t think I could endure
If I let him walk away
when I have so much to say

(... Actually haven't even started any relationship to know that if i truly "love" him or the otherwise so let's not jump into conclusions that I "love" this guy eh? LOL. Am just friends with him at the moment =.= but then there are times when just I feel like screaming at him "HEY DAMN IT CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I BLOODY LIKE YOU?! ARE YOU BLIND?!" lol then again I don't wanna come on too strong or too fierce that I'd scare the poor guy off =p)

Tell him
Tell him that the sun and moon rise in his eyes

Reach out to him and whisper
Tender words so soft and sweet
Hold him close to feel his heart beat
Love will be the gift you give yourself

Love is light that surely glows
In the hearts of those who know
It’s a steady flame that grows
Feed the fire with all the passion you can show
Tonight love will assume its place
This memory time cannot erase
Blind faith will lead love where it has to go

(Really? Apart from all that "love" crap in this song, I think it pretty much matches my current dilemma... *sigh* what the hell is wrong with me??)

Ok so we're done with that. I've been having a major headache since the night before and I think I need to rest. But I just couldn't pull myself into getting any because I don't know what to think. I need to wake up. I need to see the sunrise again and I need to constantly remind myself that I am independent. I don't need any guy to upgrade my self esteem. Reality never fails to hit me hard, before I realize it I've just fallen. Too bad nobody can help me pick up those pieces...
This happened many times but never before have I felt so comfortable with a guy, so please do excuse me for pissing the bejesus (quoted from Ms. Mary my ENG200 lecturer) out of you. He seems so different and I like the way he treats me. I can't help it... I feel so weak in matters like these. However, there are times when he's just so cold... It makes me scared of what I might do and he might just hate me forever or worse, he might runaway from me everytime we come across each other, which SUCKS.
Thank you for tuning into my little tiny shitty problem. Do not PITY me. I repeat, I don't need your sympathy as I reveal my weakness. I just need your pair of eyes, your monitor, your mouse, your feelings and your understanding so keep tuning into my blog =p
You might just experience the shock of your life :D

With Love,
Your Babe
xoxoxoxo <3

Happy Birthday =)

2008-09-18T14:43:00.001+08:00

Did I tell you u that looked extra "handsome" on your birthday yesterday, mama?

Hahahaha... this was taken right after we sang that "happy birthday" song (considering we did that multiple times observing the different crowd coming in everytime) really loudly in the restaurant inside I dunno what name it was =.= seriously, I forgot. please excuse me. Look at his face!!! hahahaha so red... XD

This should be a much better picture ~

Haha, there. =D Looks much more like the birthday boy. LOOKS BETTER, ACTUALLY, CONSIDERING THAT I WAS THE ONE TAKING THE PICTURES, have skill ok? hohohohoo...
We had so much fun yesterday, wasn't expecting to bump into Joy that afternoon as well...
Tremendous bundle of happiness I felt, because right after we paid the bill for the meal we had and as I stepped out of the restaurant, faintly I heard somebody calling my name.
Turned around and shrieked like I've never shrieked before hahahahaaaa.. Joy standing there and starring opposite of me into my direction and yes, there you have it, the misses, hugs and kisses exploded momentarily. I miss Joy =) What a coincidence to see her around Sungai Wang (at that same place, date and time). Miss ya biatch =P

So anyways, lets not shine all the light down onto Joy, let's continue with more fun fun fun~!
As I was saying, it was a celebration day for my dear friend/mama/fuckface Jason, and boy did we take lotsa pictures. Of course am not going to be posting all of them here, will only pick and show portions of the more interesting looking ones XD So, enjoy~

While waiting for the KTM and yes, we still had time to be vain LOL [from left - me, Meimei (my nv er, Wenni auntie)] The boys had fun too but I simply deny the liberty of posting up their pictures =P

Me and Jodie NehBu in that restaurant =)

The three of us [from left - Jodie NehBu, me and Meimei]

The three of them sitting opposite of us [from left - Wenni auntie, Jason mama, Edan papa =.=]

The COW and Mosquito story HAHAHAHAHAAAA... for those of u clueless bunch of goons, I need not to explain what that means because I don;t feel like it LOL...

Foursome hehehe... abit dark but it's that piece of memory that counts =) [from left - Jodie, me, Meimei, Wenni]

The two ugly gugubirds =.= Jason and Edan. Enough said. hahahahaa

Couple picture. Feel free to misunderstand. Here, I shall post some more so that ALL OF YOU will admit that we're perfect for each other HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

Kiss kiss muacks muacks... So, what's your feel now? Still thinking? Ok, I shall upload some more =D

What about now? Sweet lehhhhh... Still no feel??? What are you?! A robot?!... =.= Fine.. I've got lots more.

Can you feel the "love" now??? You're officially an idiot. Want some more?! lets continue then =D

HAH! EAT THAT! Aren't we just so perfect for each other? XD admit admit!

We've just finished making love (thats why its so dark)

Me and him.

HAHAHAHAHA GOTCHA!
Truth is, we're just good friends. =) What can I say? Love makes the world go round, friends love each other as well. I love them all... and hell yeah, I love and miss Nicole much...

Love you babe... Forever and ever, SITC HUAT ARHHHHHHHH!!!!! hehe xoxo muackssss
You're the one who understands, wake me up when I need a direction and make me realize myself better. Like now... hehehe thanks...
NICOLE + SARAH = DAMN INDEPENDENT GIRLS

With Love, signing off,
Your babe
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo <3

My Love.

2008-09-10T22:46:00.000+08:00

You must be wondering what my title meant...
The truth is...
I decided to come clean...
I am deeply madly in love...
With...

My little pet hamster KiKi...
He's the most adorable thing around me currently. And I love him... He's the cheer in my smile, the strawberry topping on top of my Baskin Robins ice-cream (of course the real one tastes better than him cos he's just made of a ball of fur), the little guy who would sniff around and bite your fingers with no warning or reason. He smells like pine, lavender and wood because of the wood shavings he lives in. Look at those huge sparkling beady eyes XD
Fall in love with him as well... He's got style, Armani would loose to this little guy on the catwalk.

Arggghhhhh me hungry!!! I shall now dig into my bowl of beautiful food... *jik jik jik*

An hour later...
Nothing beats a nice cosy nap after a filling meal... *snores*

I think i ate too much... *sniff sniff*

LOL there you have it... Baby KiKi and his greediness.
P/s: When I decided to keep this little guy i thought he was a "female" because apparently the shop owner mistaken him as one as well. He had no balls then, if you know what i mean ~.~"...

xoxo,
You babe <3~

My All.

2008-09-03T00:01:00.000+08:00

Updates, update, updating, updated........
This is my latest post so far. Sorry for not updating as much as i should... Because currently i feel stuck with all the stuff that i've been doing.
News is... I think i'm head over heels for someone i shouldn't have heels over head for, LOL. Good news is he doesn't have a clue. Bad news is he doesn't have a bloody clue. Should i be thankful or should i morn with all the agony that i should be feeling?
Dunno, am totally blank.
Lets not be too corny and emo all over this shall we? haha... my posts were suppose to be interesting and laughable, not morbid >.<
So my college stuff looks pretty fine. My schedule is so far ok and i feel that i can keep up with all the crap anyone or anything throws upon me, the main point is will i have the heart to attend all my classes and complete my whole semester without any flaws, which is highly unlikely pending on the situation and my laziness. hmmm... Looks like this is going to be a very long.... semester.
I should try to forget all these illusions hehe, well i guess i'll stop here for the mo.
Have fun guys =)

xoxo

Hypocrites.

2008-08-21T09:47:00.000+08:00

I live alone. My parents are very far away from me.
Last night i faced a disappointing confrontation with my housemates. Apparently, they are nothing but weird selfish jerks, inconsiderate towards other people's convenience and have NO BRAINS. I stood up for the many issues they have been causing ever since i moved in, but somehow, this crazy weird asshole (which i might add have no common sense or any debating skills whatsoever, sucky English, tried to attack me with IT'S (her) twisting words but failed embarrassingly) pin points in my direction accusing me of screwing their "night parties" (occasional cooking after 1am, washing clothes in the washing machine every night and SOAKING them for 3-8 hours [the machine is as loud as a plane taking off and my room happens to be right beside it], chitter chatter usually after 12am and many other bloody annoying stuff u can think of).

This was what she said to me:

"IT'S NOT YET 12AM, WE ALL AGREE TO STOP WASHING AT 12AM!"
1. Who agreed? I wasn't informed of any agreement towards when the machine ends or starts.
2. I'm the one harassed at night by the noise, what gives them THE RIGHT TO SET ANY SORT OF TIME in this issue?
3. Even if u washed your clothes at 9pm (before 12am - which i have no knowledge of) and SOAKED your laundry for 3 BLOODY hours, are you confident that the machine stops accurately at 12am? HELL NO, EVERY TIME YOU SOAK FOR EITHER 1, 3 OR 8 HOURS THE MACHINE INTENDS TO RUN FOR 3, 5 and 10 HOURS RESPECTIVELY. EAT THAT!
4. I'm living right beside it. Those people are living upstairs. Good environment they have, quiet and peaceful, where as i, have to face little annoying noises made by those who pay "visits" to the kitchen, toilets and so on so forth.

"YOU ARE STUPID FOR LIVING HERE, YOU DON'T LIKE IT THEN MOVE!"
1. She's implying that the house owners are stupid to rent the room to me.
2. She's telling me that anyone who lived at that particular area is stupid.
3. She doesn't own the place and neither does she pay my rents or bills for the matter.
4. I didn't know that i was living under the same roof with assholes, idiots, sluts, or any of that disgusting kind when i payed my deposits and rented the bloody place.

"I'VE NEVER MET THIS KIND OF BITCH IN MY LIFE"
1. Grammar mistake. "I've never met this type of bitch in my life BEFORE". And by the way it's supposed to be ME saying that.
2. Rude, nonsense, out of topic, doesn't connect with the subject and it pissed me off.
3. Who is she to say that? We don't even know each other and she throws curses at me. That's so my style and she copied all MY MOVES. (copyrighted)
4. THAT FUCKING RETARD.

Conclusion : Those hypocrites need to rethink their lives.
LOL...
Sorry for the very late update people!!!
I've missed you guys hohohooo....
And there are yet so many stuff to write but we'll save the best for later XD Interesting stuff happened before this tragic pitiful hypocrisy bestowed itself upon me... LOL

xoxo,
Your Babe =P

My Scarlet Skin?

2008-07-26T01:17:00.000+08:00

Never doubt that there wasn't a time that went by when i wasn't twisting the question about "Am i choosing the right friends...?" in my oh-so-restricted-in-books-especially-educational-stuff brain.
This post is dedicated to them. To all of them. Those whom i've just met for a few months (1 or 2 to be exact), those whom i've met since primary 5, those whom i've met during high school and so on as the list goes =)

Yes i decided to be a little colourful in this post. Mainly because i feel happy, the joy of truth and the feeling of absolute pureness when i'm around with this bunch of goons. So far, they happen to be the highlight for me to have some support around the complicated thing called "ADP", TAYLOR'S located somewhere around Malaysia. (saying just for syok)
Perhaps i do not sense any fakeness between the mutual friendship all of us share. And i feel pretty secure and obviously, i can be my f***ed up self around them, LOL... Sure feels comfortable n warm XD heehee... Well, hopefully they feel the same ^^ But of course, i don't really mind even if they didn't regard me the same. Once a friend, always a friend... Conclusion - These people are freakin nice and i like them =)

Let's not forget our V.I.P. My dearest most indescribable friend i have. If you happen watch "Sex In The City", and got to know Carrie Bradshaw and Samantha Jones, then congratulations, you're on your way to understand the ultimately most sexiest and tightest friendship closest to reality possible.
It's not that we share the same hungry sex hunt like those women in the show, it's just the way we relate to each other as best friends, how we mutually share stuff and interact. There can be times where things can get worse than just a pain in the ass and we would be on the urge of killing each other; but then of course, there are just too many times where we simply miss each other... I love this crazy asshole. 7 years as good friends and hell yeah, a lifetime to enjoy and discover life together =D

I admit. I feel blessed. These are only a few rather mutual and awesome ones amongst the circle of friends that I can proudly say I have.

Posing is bad for health. It influences your brain because you'd intend to think too much about which side looks better when u pose.

Smiling sweetly is widely encouraged. However, if you have yellow teeth then please be considerate about the people viewing your pictures. It might jeopardize their eye sights.

XOXO~*~*~*
With Lotsa Love And a Fart In The Hole <3~

My Craze for The Moment =D

2008-07-18T23:40:00.001+08:00

Ponder.

2008-07-18T23:12:00.000+08:00

Lyrics and the tune on "Breathless" by Shayne Ward, which i just realized is indeed very beautiful. If i'd listen to it any longer i'd probably b swimming in my own tears LOL... Anyways... Is there anyway in the world that a guy would sing it to me? haha... Boy, the girl that the song was dedicated to is damn lucky for sure. I'm feelin jealous >.<
Is it really realistic to be possible that a guy would actually sing that type of song to a girl? Cos if there is such guy in this demented world then congratulations n good job LOL I salute him with full of respect =X
But seriously, it will be nice if someone DOES sing that to me hahaha i'd probably marry that dude (literally) XD

xoxoxo

Where Is That New Beginning?

2008-07-04T12:10:00.000+08:00

Countless times i reminded myself that i should really let it out here rather than cursing and spoiling my cute image (LOL) XD. However, no matter how hard i try, there is no denying that i lost myself to words. yes. appearently, I can no longer express myself in words like how i would use to do 5 years ago. LOL do i sound old? no way.. i used to write journals in primary six and looking back, i find myself pathetically adorable.
SO WHEN CAN I START EXPRESSING MY PATHETICNESS AGAIN??? *furious pout*
=D Starts now. Yes, too bad you will be spending the rest of your precious 5 minutes reading this meaningless piece of nothing. (sucks to be you!) haha ^^ anyways if you're better off closing this window then congratulations to me for boring you off your not-so-sexy butt.
Back into my serious mode. Am in college now, and giving u some updates about life here. Currently, am attending Taylor's American Degree Program in Subang Jaya, Selangor. If you don't know where it is then pay attention to Malaysian maps. But i strongly advice you to just not care about where the heck it might be cos it doesn't really concern anybody's ass really, am just trying to annoy the bits out of you =)
So, I've been here since 6th May 2008 (from what i can recall i think)... And now, July, i am pretty much used to be buried alive under piles of assignments and projects and crazy research.................. BUT APART FROM THAT I NEED TO GO FOR MY KARAOKE SESSION WITH A BUNCH OF GOOFS NOW SO I'LL KEEP YA POSTED SOON ^^
muacksss xoxoxo

your babe hohohoooo ^.^V

Rebirth? Hopefully =)

2008-05-26T22:21:00.000+08:00

This is gonna appear somewhere around my body lol. Its not gonna be this color however =) hehe.
Butterfly = Rebirth
Hopefully i wont be that naive anymore. This is my second post so far and instead of screaming around like a a stupid bitch i decided to let it out here.
He was a great guy, he still is. Hell yeah i want him.. But i cant. Thats it.
I know i sound pathetic right, i mean i cant stop myself from thinking, he's bloody taken n i cant do a damn thing about it. =.=
And no i wasnt rejected, i was merely tripping really hard but honestly i suddenly felt a little glad that it didnt turn out that complicated. Maybe i felt so sad that the feelings just faded cold temporarily haha. lucky me so far..
Perhaps there is the possibility for me to forget i ever had feelings for this assh0le and let him be with his whatever. I saw her and i was like "damn.." It was that moment when girls have this electricity over their man and yes, we can go psycho over the same sex especially when that he/she appears to be a potential rival.
Something i picked up from this movie "13 going 30" was that ~
{LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD}
Divide and conquer LOL. However, i m still very confused with wad i should really be doing right here. Crapping much.. Is it helping? Mentally, yes. Soulfully, not really...
But whatever it is, i should really get back on track ;)

xoxo babe

=) Testing

2008-05-15T10:33:00.000+08:00

=D One of my babes..
i miss her... i miss all of my babes.. cos we're 1 sea apart.. darn that south china sea #@!$#@!%#@%$#!!!!

TAKE CARE YA'LL!!! i'm supposed to be getting ready for class but ~.~ got carried away with this whole new bunch of deep shyt LOL

xoxo,
YOUR BABE. <3

*~ Missing Pages ~*