Not Getting Close, Just To Avoid The Pain.

As far as I am concern, or anybody else who might want to be updated, I am helplessly head over heels addicted to the series of Sex In The City. Four women, striving to survive in the vast moving New York city society sharing their deepest, darkest, exotic experiences and secrets about life.

Seeing how Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda handle their everyday complications, obviously every woman could relate to them either one way or the other. It is so typical of how people could share the exact similar situations as projected in the series and looking around, I feel that every woman in on earth might have been through or is going through the period of devastation within their existence. So I believe we all have a universal bond to relate to each other and watching another woman cry you would be self conscious to have the same instincts to feel her pain. I’m not being sexist because men have their issues as well, but I’m specifying on women here just because I am one too. Well, maybe not yet, but I’m getting there…

Parallel to Carrie’s memories on how agonizing and long it took to get over Mr. Big, though deep inside I believe that no matter what it took, the reminiscences of Big still dwells upon her heart and is still aching to be thrown away, I too, find it difficult myself to endure the living past of the deficient remains of my previous circle of friends. A part of me wants to forget, but the other part wants me to fight for what’s right, due to my current degraded social standing. A strong desire inside of me is burning to use violence to handle the matter, like how I’ve always did. Whenever the thoughts plunged into my head, though, why waste my time when nobody else is as concerned about it?

Recently I found out that one of my previous friends lost his long time partner. Did it bother me? Maybe a little. I can’t help it, I’m just the type of person to naturally still care. It feels like hatred vs. concern, good vs. evil, Gucci vs. Prada, feelings that words alone could not explain. But when I think back about the indirect insults which I saw with my own eyes I’d feel wounded right in the middle of the heart.

Here I point out karma. What goes around, comes back around. You know, like how the saying goes and all. I got my karma all worked out so I’m always facing it. It’ll only be a matter of time when the high school drama ends (though we’re all in college), and some people might start to realize what they have done. Repent?... Too late. Damage was already done and forgiveness is a thousand miles away.

I felt all the warm care slide slowly and drained to shrivles out of me, and there was nothing I could do about it. All there was to think about in the next social network is not to get too close to any of them just so that I can avoid further soreness.

However, I feel grateful to still have a life. I realize that many people accept me for my personality, not to be bragging or anything though. I’m satisfied with wherever I am currently and confident with myself because I am what I am, why change? If I did, wouldn’t I just be the same like everybody else? Now that’s something to think about.

Signing off,

xoxo.

A New Shine.

So I sat outside my rented home’s porch while having so many ideas about writing and describing my 19 year old life, while smoking a cigarette which I left half way because desperately enough, I needed to express these thoughts onto something. Just something to share with.

Thoughts about so many things like life, friends, family and relationships clogging through my mind and just then I realize, no matter how jumbled up these new ideas I have, I’d like to shape them into something more useful. As in a guideline, or like a mirror which others might have gotten into the same situation of which I have. Because the truth is, everybody needs a confirmation in everything they do. Something simple like “I think this guy is the right one for me to get into a relationship with, what do you think?” or “I know that my partner and I just couldn’t get along, but I love him, so what should I do?” We all have our own answers and solutions to the problem, but most of us just needed a confirmation regarding of what we think. And sadly enough, after all the advice and opinions you get surrounding you, you’d most probably stick to your own as from the start of the question.

We all need some attention in life, some value to ourselves and a hint of self concious when it comes to making decisions.

Frankly I might add, being a teenager is so much more complicated. I see things and meet people who are new to me, and then when it comes to handling a simple situation like complications in a friendship, I’ll be stoned. Slower, in response and gullible towards true human nature. To most adults who have done it, been through it and over it, these situations seem nothing compared to the world they have lived and still living today. So I am here to experiment and learn most of the important things we need to hold onto in life, in order to succeed in living to the fullest, with no regrets and become skilled at how to handle challenges accompanied by pure strength. There is nothing that I regret doing or seeing so far because it only taught me how to be as cunning as life.

And to people who look differently upon me, perhaps you’ve never really known what the truth looks like. And to you who are judging, be sure to remember that it is you who will be judged when this life ends.

P/s: Since you were such a dick, you should’ve told me earlier that you were instead of getting me into this bloody mess.

With Love,

xoxo.